Restless
by Madame Batolli
Summary: Ling Xiaoyu, twenty years old, married to the man of her dreams. Everything's perfect, right? Well, not really. And a chance meeting with an old friend can change everything. COMPLETE.
1. Wasted

**Restless **

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_**Chapter One: Wasted**_

Ling Xiaoyu was getting restless. She was sitting in a swivel chair in her husband's study, elbows on knees, staring at the open doorway and chewing on a fingernail. He was usually home by now. Well, _most_ days anyway. When he didn't allow some idiot to sidetrack him and give him even more work to do, that was. Jin wasn't too good at saying 'no' to people. But on days when he got sidetracked by idiots he always called and said he was going to be home late, and she took the opportunity to watch bad TV while she was waiting, or just went to bed. He hadn't called, and she'd still watched the bad TV for a while, but after a couple of hours she started to get worried, and frustrated, and now she was sitting in his study waiting for him to come home and find her so they could have sex. She'd even dressed up to surprise him, wearing her kitty ears and collar (her best friend threw an adult party last week and she'd bought the catgirl outfit as a joke), and dammit, she was cold and annoyed and why wasn't he home yet?

She spun herself around in the chair, sighed, and then got up and headed downstairs to the sitting room. If he was any longer than another half hour she was going to throttle him with her kitty tail. But not really. Xiaoyu knew that even if he were longer than half an hour she wouldn't be able to stay angry with him. She'd glare, he'd give her _that_ look, that amused smile and slightly arched brow, and she'd forgive him. They'd been married for two years, and that smile still had the same effect on her as it had the very first time they met, four years ago.

She'd been intrigued by him from day one. By day three she'd developed a hopeless crush on him. It had taken him a little bit longer to fall for her, but it happened in the end, and they had a beautiful wedding, and she was happy. She loved him, she really did. But sometimes she wished that he wasn't so damned _important_. Jin was the CEO of the Mishima Zaibatsu, a very influential Japanese company, and had taken it over from Heihachi Mishima after his mysterious disapperance. Hopefully his grandfather would show up and take it back, and then she'd have a husband who'd be around to have sex with her more than once a month.

The sound of a key turning in a lock broke her out of her television-induced coma, and she perked up a little at the sound of the door banging and his footsteps on the wooden floor. Hopefully she looked alluring, or if not, hopefully he wouldn't care and he'd just grab her and...

"Hey." He called out, and she heard him kick his shoes off. "Xiao? Are you still up?"

"I'm in here." She replied, putting that thought on hold and rising onto her knees, resting her arms on the back of the couch.

"Sorry I didn't call. Things are a mess at the moment."

"Don't worry, Jin." She told him as he appeared in the doorway, and took a moment to drink him in, all dark hair, dark eyes, crumpled suit and loosened tie. "I'm sure you'll think of a way to make it up to me."

He smiled, but it wasn't that smile she loved to see on his face, it was an apologetic, tired smile.

"Tomorrow." He told her. "I promise. I'm worn out, Xiao."

"But I wore a bell." She pouted. "It even jingles."

"And it's cute. I'm just… I have to get up at five. I have a meeting, and then I have to play golf or something with Mr. Yoshida, and then…"

"You're blowing me off for a golf game?"

Jin shook his head, pulling her into his lap and kissing her hair.

"No. I'll be thinking about you wearing that all day tomorrow. And when I come home…" he trailed off, with what might have been a suggestive silence if he hadn't been trying to stifle a yawn.

"Go." Xiaoyu slid off his lap and pulled off the headband. "Sleep."

"I'm sorry.' He murmured, leaning into her. She tilted her head up, waiting for at least a passionate kiss to take her mind off the fact that he was still wearing clothes and the next time she saw him he'd be sleeping, having taken custody of the blankets and made her side of the bed freezing. Instead, though, his lips barely grazed her forehead before he sloped out of the sitting room and upstairs.

So there she was. Ling Xiaoyu, twenty years old. Married for two years to a gorgeous, sweet, caring man. Who she hadn't had sex with in five weeks. She was going to kill him if he forgot his promise.

"You'd better do me _good_ tomorrow!" she shouted upstairs, hoping for a witty reply or a chuckle at the very least. She got neither. Jin was already asleep.

* * *

**Author's Note**: I know Monochrome isn't finished yet, but when the inspiration bug bites, you just have to scribble stuff down. This one's an AU, and I've got a feeling it's gonna be a bit more 'adult' themed than Monochrome. The rating is bound to go up in later chapters, but at the moment I think the 'T' rating will suffice. Also, it's a Jin/Xiao at the moment, but that may change. ;) Please let me know if it's any good, I haven't written third person in a_ long _time so I'm a tad rusty at it. Concrit is more than welcome, as always.  



	2. Exasperated

A/N: I'd just like to thank you sexy reviewers – reading your comments and suggestions never fails to cheer me up. I hope you know how much I appreciate you guys.

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**_Chapter Two:_ ****_Exasperated_**

"Will that be all, Ma'am?" the shop assistant asked from his place kneeling at her feet. Xiaoyu smiled at him, holding out her foot to allow him to slide the shoe off and place it back in its pink tissue paper.

"Could I see that pair?" she asked, pointing over his shoulder to a pair of chic jade heels with diamante straps. She didn't even take note of the price tag that came with them, it was immaterial to her. It wasn't her money she was spending. She wondered briefly what Jin would say when he found out she'd gone shopping yet again with his platinum card, but quickly disregarded that thought. She didn't really care what he would say to her. Although she kind of hoped he'd get angry, and then they could fall out and have amazing make-up sex, but she figured he'd probably just give her a look that was part amused, part put-upon, and then never mention it again.

Which was the problem. She wasn't buying the shoes because she particularly wanted them, she was buying them partly because she could, and partly as a protest, to get Jin's attention in some small way. Last night he had made her want to scream, and not in a good way. He'd been late home again, and she'd been waiting in bed for him, trying not to drift off into sleep and give him an excuse for not making good on his promise from the previous night. He climbed in beside her and as soon as she turned over to face him he'd been fully armed with his standard excuse - "I'm tired, Xiao". It was starting to wear thin, and to be honest, every time he used it, it hurt her a little. Xiaoyu had straddled him, smiling down mischievously. "I'm not." She said simply, and lowered her mouth to his.

Jin had kissed her for a few moments, but when she tried to take things further he'd rolled over so they were lying on their sides and drawn her close.

"Can't we just lay like this?" he'd asked. "I've got an early flight tomorrow."

Xiaoyu had scowled, turning her back to him and pulling the covers tightly around her. "Yeah, there's always something." She snapped, shrugging his hand off when he tried to stroke her shoulder.

"Xiao, does it always have to be about sex?" She'd almost laughed. Honestly. Sometimes he was more of the woman in the relationship than she was. She wanted to answer; "Not always, but right now I just want you inside me." But she wouldn't stoop as low as to beg her husband for sex. She wanted to ask him if it was her, if he didn't find her attractive any more, what she could do to change things. But she couldn't. She swallowed her irritation and hurt, mumbled, "I guess not," and let him wrap his arms around her.

"Here you are, Ma'am." A pink shoebox was being offered to her, and she took off the lid, pushing the paper aside and lifting one of the shoes out to examine it. The diamante twinkled up at her, and she looked away and at the box for the price. Yeah, it was immaterial, but she still wanted to know. Just as she'd hoped, it was extortionate, really. Even for shoes as pretty as these were. Usually she would have reluctantly put them back and watched with wistful eyes as they were taken away. But thinking back on last night had caused her temper to flare up again, and she didn't _just_ hope Jin would get angry anymore. She _really_ wanted to piss him off. So she grinned at the assistant.

"I'll take them."

He nodded, gathering up the box and starting away, but her hand on his arm stopped him.

"In both colours." She told him, a little glint in her eye.

* * *

With three new bags in hand, Xiaoyu set off once more. Maybe she would head into another boutique and buy some clothes to go with those shoes. Or maybe that was crossing the line, she didn't know. She'd never been too good at knowing where the line was. 

"Xiaoyu?" She stiffened. He couldn't have found out how much she'd spent already, surely?

"Ling Xiaoyu?" The voice was female, coming from her left, and she turned to see a brunette girl waving at her from a table outside the bistro that neighboured the shoe boutique she'd just come out of. The girl was familiar, but Xiaoyu couldn't quite place her. She smiled nevertheless, walking over to get a better look. Hair in two long braids. Glasses.

"Julia?"

She'd ditched her signature feather accessories and cowboy boots, but the dreamcatcher dangling around her neck was all Xiaoyu needed to see to know she was right. It was Julia Chang, a girl she'd first met four years ago during the third Iron Fist Tournament.

"I thought you'd gone back to Arizona!" Xiaoyu exclaimed, sitting down at the table and dropping her bags.

"I did. But I came back here. I'm at Tokyo University."

"Tokyo U? Really? What are you studying?"

Julia took a sip of her water, and a pretty blonde waitress made her way over.

"Are you ready to order?" she asked, flashing the two women a sunny smile. Julia gave Xiaoyu an enquiring look, and she shrugged.

"Sure. I'm not in any rush. Could I get a coffee?" The waitress scribbled on her pad. "Oh, oh, and one of those really gorgeous looking chocolate sundae things, you know, with the little wafer and the syrup?"

"Of course."

"I'm on a chocolate kick." She said, by way of explanation.

"I'll just have a tea for now." Julia laughed. "Chocolate kick? You haven't changed."

"Why would I?"

"Well, I dunno. I kind of expected being married to one of the richest guys in Japan would make you more… um…"

"Refined?" Xiaoyu finished, inwardly smiling at the uncomfortable look on Julia's face.

"No, not… I'm not saying you're not…"

"Hey, it's okay. You know me, Jules. I'm always gonna be the same." She tilted her head. "How did you know about me and Jin anyway?"

"Read it in the paper. Great picture, by the way."

"Thanks."

"So what's Jin been doing lately?"

_Not me_, she thought bitterly, almost saying it out loud, but at the last minute figuring it wasn't appropriate.

"Oh, the usual. Meetings, golf games, firing people."

"Sounds fun."

"Not when you have to hear about it all the time. Anyway, you never told me what you were studying." _Change the subject, and maybe you won't sink back into that bad mood,_ she told herself.

"Oh, yeah. Archaeology at the moment. But to tell you the truth, I'm more interested in getting reforestation back home."

"Still a no go?"

"Looks like it."

"Hey!" Xiaoyu said brightly. "I bet Jin could help. Even if it'd just be funding."

"Really? You think he would?" Julia's eyes widened, and the waitress returned, setting down their orders and disappearing back inside the bistro. Xiaoyu snatched up her spoon and scraped the chocolate syrup from the top of her sundae.

"I'm sure he wouldn't mind." She put the spoon in her mouth, savouring, and Julia gave an excited little laugh. "We should meet up. All of us. For a drink, you know?"

"That'd be awesome."

"When?"

"Um, well, are you busy tomorrow?"

"Jules." Xiaoyu took another bite of ice cream. "I'm married to _Jin_. I'm _never_ busy."


	3. Stimulated

**_Chapter Three: Stimulated_**

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"I'm back." Jin called, taking his shoes off and placing them neatly in the rack, loosening his tie and running a hand through his hair. He leaned around the door to the living room when he got no response. Xiaoyu was sprawled on the sofa in front of the television. The credits for some talk show were rolling on screen.

"Hey, Xiao?"

She was asleep. Jin smiled softly, brushing her hair from her face, and she stirred at his touch.

"Hey." He whispered. She blinked, eyes focusing, smiled at him.

"Nnh."

"Sorry I'm late."

"S'ok." Xiaoyu rubbed her face, sitting up and stretching. Jin sat down, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and cuddling her close to him, then picked up the remote and brought up the TV guide. She glanced at him, and he shrugged.

"I'm sure there's something more interesting to watch than 'honey, I'm a man' right?"

"You'd be surprised." Xiaoyu replied through a huge yawn. "Oh, guess who I met today?"

"I dunno."

"Remember Julia?"

"Hmm? The girl from America?"

"Yeah. I bumped into her today while I was out."

"Oh yeah?"

"You've got a half day tomorrow, right?"

"Why?"

"Well, I kinda said we'd meet her for dinner tomorrow."

"...You couldn't have asked me beforehand?" He put the remote down on the coffee table.

"Well, I thought you'd be okay about it. You haven't seen her in a while, right? We should all catch up, and... um... you should fund her research."

"I should what?"

"Catch up?" Xiaoyu said innocently.

"And I suppose you told her I'd be okay about funding her research, too?" Jin shot back, with a hint of irritation.

"Don't be an ass, Jin. It's not like you're short on cash, is it? Besides, we'll have a good time."

"So it'll just be us three then?"

"She's bringing her boyfriend. So you'll have someone to talk with about all that manly stuff, like cars and fixing things and..." She trailed off at the look on his face, and tried her best to hide a giggle. Jin was hardly the most sociable creature, and she could almost see the cogs turning in his head as he groped for an excuse.

"Jin. C'mon. It'll be _fun_."

* * *

Xiaoyu pushed her chair away from the table, walking briskly to the bathroom and pleading herself not to look back. She slipped into an empty cubicle, locking it and then leaning against the back of the door, closing her eyes for a few seconds. She could hear someone moving around nearby, and tuned them out, concentrating on her breathing and trying to stay the anger that was bubbling inside her. Not only was she insanely bored, but now she was pissed as well. Julia had said she was bringing her new boyfriend with her, but she'd neglected to mention who her boyfriend was. Xiaoyu had just assumed that it would be some cute university boy, not… _him._

She didn't see what Julia even saw in him – he was arrogant, full of himself, irritating… He'd always been that way. But there must be something appealing about his personality if Julia was dating him. Maybe there was a _reason_ he acted like such a jerk. But when she'd last seen him, she'd been infatuated with Jin, and she hadn't really stopped to think about what his reasons for coming across that way might be. She decided she didn't care either way. He was a stupid, obnoxious…

Her mind's eye drifted back to that look he'd given her back at the table. She'd felt vulnerable, like he knew exactly what she was thinking. Well, it didn't matter. She'd only been thinking _that _because she was so frustrated, what with her and Jin still using the bed for sleeping only. Things had been looking promising last night until Jin had opened the wardrobe and spotted the shopping bags that she'd forgotten to stash properly on her last trip. He'd given her a lecture about her 'frivolous' spending habits, and she'd told him to stop acting like her mother and start acting like her husband. He hadn't been best pleased. Well, it was just a good job he hadn't seen the shoes she'd splurged his money on earlier.

Anyway, back on the subject of the dirty thoughts she'd been thinking; if the _waiter_ had been as attractive as Hwoarang, she'd have probably thought the exact same thing about him. It didn't help that he was the only person she could talk to, since Jin and Julia were still engrossed in conversation about the reforestation project. Was it so much to ask that they drop something interesting into the conversation every once in a while? Jin had complained enough on the way over there about how he didn't want to be talking work on his day off. Well, it looked like he was pretty stimulated by the work talk to her.

Unlocking the door, Xiaoyu stepped out, stopping in front of the mirror for a few moments to stare at her reflection. She still looked vaguely annoyed, and tried to straighten out her expression as best she could before she pulled open the heavy bathroom door and went back into the lounge area. Her eyes flicked to their table, and she saw that her husband was still talking with Julia, who was missing one date. _Good_, she thought. _Hopefully he's gone._

"Hey."

She scowled at the sound of his voice, turning her head slightly to indicate she'd heard him.

"Jules said I should say sorry." He told her, sounding as pissed off as she was. She turned to face him, irritatedly brushing off the tingle that ran through her when their eyes met. He wasn't a mind reader. He couldn't possibly know what she'd been thinking.

"Forget it." Xiaoyu waved her hand dismissively.

"Look, I'm sorry. How about I get you a drink to apologise?"

He moved closer to her, and the frown dissolved from her face. He seemed sincere, and she started to feel a little guilty for her prior murderous thoughts towards him. Then she realised he was too close, as in 'invading her personal space' close. She began to step back, but he snaked a hand around her waist, resting it on the exposed skin that her camisole didn't quite cover at the small of her back. Jazz music continued to sweep through the area as she froze, glancing at Jin and Julia out of the corner of her eye. They were still deep in conversation; Jin was talking with his hands.

Hwoarang flashed her a smile that could only be described as predatory, and she couldn't help but gasp as his other hand slipped into the pocket of her jeans. Her body went rigid, and she stared into his eyes, confusion, shock, and though she hated to admit it, desire, all rushing through her. There was just something so… _naughty_ about it. The soft fabric of her jean pocket was all that kept his fingers from bare skin, and he slowly - almost lazily - stroked her hip through the material before leaning into her.

"Guess you're paying." he whispered in her ear, then with agonising slowness, he withdrew his hand... and the coins from her pocket with it.

And then he grinned, heading over to the bar and leaving Xiaoyu staring after him, her heart racing. After a few moments, she regained the presence of mind to glare at his back, then turned on her heel and approached the table where her husband and friend were still chatting away, trying her best to ignore what that small sensastion of fingers through cotton had done to her. It hadn't happened. That was all there was to it.


	4. Irritated

_A/N: Thanks for the reviews, you guys! I'm glad you like how the story's developing. **Wine and Roses**, your review cracked me up! Do her in Jin's bed? Hmm, don't tempt me. ;) _

**_Chapter 4: Irritated_**

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"No way!"

"Yes way." Xiaoyu said into the phone, seated on the chrome kitchen countertop.

"And they were right there?"

"They were right there." She repeated. "Well, a good couple of feet away, but still, they were close by."

"What a player." Miharu commented. "Was he cute?"

"...That's irrelevant."

"_Irrelevant._" She mimicked. "You're using Jin-speak again, Xiao. He was cute, wasn't he"

"Does it matter?"

"Only someone who knew they were cute enough to get away with it would do something like that."

"What, like that's an excuse?"

"Oh, c'mon Xiao. You've been hit on before and we've _laughed_ about it. Where's your sense of humour this time?"

"I left it in my other jeans." Xiaoyu grumbled.

"Did he swipe that from your pocket as well as your money?" Miharu shot back.

Xiaoyu frowned at the receiver, feeling a tingle in her stomach again as she went over that moment in her mind. She'd relived it about five times since she'd got up, she was ashamed to admit. Not because of _him_, but because of how her body had reacted, and because it was reacting to someone else's touch instead of her own for once.

"Ha ha." she said. "Sorry, but I'm really not seeing the funny in this situation." No answer. "Miharu?"

There was a muffed exchange from the other end, and then her friend's voice came back on the line.

"Sorry Xiao, I have to go. I'll ring you later on, okay? Don't take it so seriously, okay? Forget about it, and if you can't, then do something to take your mind off it, like... oh, I dunno, have sex with your gorgeous husband?" Miharu laughed. "Bye, chick"

She hadn't told Miharu about the dry spell she and Jin were going through. If fact, she hadn't told anyone. Everyone thought her marriage was perfect, and she'd rather they thought that and teased her good-naturedly about the luxury of having orgasms available on tap than tell them the truth. Xiaoyu looked up at the kitchen clock. Ten past eleven.

_A whole day of nothing to look forward to._

She sighed, irritated with herself for feeling like this. A lot of women would kill to be in her situation. A devoted husband who earned so much money that it meant she'd never have to work, time to herself, days filled with shopping or meeting her friends for brunch, or watching DVDs or talkshows or reruns of her favourite programmes...? She herself had dreamed of it when she was a child. But along with all that, she also had nights filled with boredom and rejection and a bed that hadn't seen a good long sex marathon in months. That wasn't something she'd wish on anyone.

_What was wrong with him? _She jumped off the counter, annoyed. _Or what was wrong with her?_

That was a question she couldn't quite bring herself to ask him, because she was afraid of the answer. Afraid that he'd tell her he just wasn't that into her any more, or that he'd taken a vow of celibacy and if she loved him, she'd understand. Or that he was now getting his weekly quota of orgasms from his PA.

The phone rang shrilly, and she reached over to pick it up, recognising the number on the display as her mother's. Great.

"Xiaoyu? It's me. How are you? We haven't spoken in ages."

"What's wrong?"

Her mother clicked her tongue, and Xiaoyu could almost see the disapproving look on her face. "Why would anything be wrong? I just wanted to talk to you."

"Sorry. But you usually call when something's wrong."

She ignored her. "How's that husband of yours?"

"He's great, mum."

"And any plans to start a family yet?"

_Wow_, Xiaoyu thought. _It took her less than thirty seconds to start babbling about having kids this time._

Last time she'd actually built up to it by making small talk about one of her old schoolfriends for a while.

"Not yet."

"Is there a problem?"

"Mum..."

"You're not having trouble getting pregnant are you?"

"Mother..."

"You know, I read this article about premature ejaculation in one of my health magazines, and -"

"Mother!" Xiaoyu cringed. "It has nothing to do with... that"

She was already exasperated, and right now she really, really wanted to carry on and reply: "It has everything to do with the fact that Jin has no interest in ejaculating anywhere near me, and I think that's a pretty important contribution to the whole baby making process, don't you?"

"I'm just trying to help." her mother was saying. "Besides, you've been married two years. Don't you think it's time for a baby?"

"No." Xiaoyu snapped. "I'm not good with kids. Kids cry when I hold them."

"It's different when it's your own." her mother told her soothingly, and she snorted. "Doesn't Jin want children?"

"Jin is too busy, mum." She spoke as though she was talking to a toddler, slowly and sweetly, sounding out all her words clearly. But her mother ignored her.

"He'd make a wonderful father"

"Says who?" Xiaoyu asked, narrowing her eyes. Her mother was probably right, though. About five or six months ago, she'd reluctantly agreed to babysit for one of her friends, and the kid had screamed the place down - until Jin picked her up. If they ever did have kids, he'd be a natural.

"Oh, Xiaoyu, did you get up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?"

_No,_ she thought. _I slept on the couch,_ _because I couldn't face sleeping in our bed and nothing happening again, so I pretended I'd fallen asleep in front of Sally Jessy when he came in._

"Mum, I'm just not in the mood to talk babies with you today."

"Tell you what." her mother said knowingly. "I'll fax over that article I told you about."

Xiaoyu hung up.


	5. Intoxicated

_A/N: Heh heh, your reviews really made me smile, you guys. I'm so grateful for them, and I hope you enjoy this chapter._ _ **  
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_**Chapter 5: Intoxicated**_

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Her mother made good on her promise, and Xiaoyu ignored the fax for the entire afternoon, and a good part of the evening until her brain refused to take in any more five minute long Time Life adverts or makeover programmes, and she was forced to switch off the television and wander around the house. She snatched the paper from the print tray and started to screw it up into a ball, but curiosity got the better of her, and she stopped, smoothed it out and began to read about psychological reasonings and depression, and vibrational threshold testing, and how she, 'the female partner', should use the squeeze-pause technique (which was fully illustrated) to help her 'bedmate'. She winced. Was there any way in which this was at all appropriate for her mother to be sending to her? 

Her temper flared, and she tore the fax into as many pieces as she could, throwing them into the wastepaper basket and grabbing the phone, stabbing the speed dial button with a shaking finger.

"He-ey" Miharu singsonged, the sound of traffic in the background.

"Not only do I know exactly how long a Time Life advert is, but I've just wasted ten minutes of my pathetic life reading about erectile goddamn dysfunction." Xiaoyu snapped. "Please come and rescue me."

* * *

Two hours later, she was sipping on a strawberry daiquiri and singing along with the retro music blasting through the club while Miharu flirted with a scruffy but cute looking guy in jeans that fit him far too well. It was a good job they were in the quieter VIP area, because she doubted the two of them would be able to hear a word of suggestive conversation over the music if they weren't. Since her friend had left her old secretarial position and managed to land a job in PR, she knew which bars and clubs were the places to be, and which hot new bar openings were worth attending. The one they were in right now was tipped to become the most popular celebrity hangout since Bar None down in the square, and there were certainly a few faces that Xiaoyu vaguely recognised from the glossy magazines she always borrowed from Miharu during lunch. Apparently, the cutie Miharu was chatting with was one of the guitarists in an up-and-coming indie band that she hadn't caught the name of. 

_'Ooh baby do you know what that's worth?'_ Belinda Carlisle's voice rang out, and then; _'Ooh, heaven is a place on earth'._ Xiaoyu, who had turned towards the bar and noticed Julia waving at her, a bright smile on her face and that bastard of a boyfriend in tow, decided that Belinda was dead wrong. _If it had only been Jules on her own,_ she thought angrily, waving back and forcing herself to flash a grin.

"We just keep running into each other, don't we?" Julia smiled as she reached Xiaoyu's side.

"Yeah! I didn't think I'd see anyone I knew in the VIP area."

"Oh, well, one of my friends from university's friends with the boyfriend of the girl who's doing the PR tonight."

Xiaoyu laughed. "So hew come he didn't invite his mother's sister's cousin's best friend's brother?" she joked.

"So is Jin here?"

"Are you serious?" Miharu walked past them, catching Xiaoyu's eye and gesturing to the bar. She nodded; her glass wasn't empty yet but she had a feeling she'd need more than one drink to deal with Hwoarang's presence right now. "Jin hates anything like this." she carried on to Julia. "I don't think he's ever even been to a club."

"Well, I'm not too keen on stuff like this either, but you don't get a free pass to the VIP area every day, do you?" After a minute, Julia pushed herself away from the wall. "You want a drink?"

"No thanks, I'm good." She gestured to Miharu, who was on her way back. Miharu, (who knew her far too well) took one look at her, set down the drinks, and grabbed her arm, dragging her into the bathroom.

"Okay, what's up?" she asked, hands on hips. "You're pissed off. Did someone hit on you again?"

"Nothing like that." Xiaoyu hissed. "And if Julia asks why you dragged me in here, you damned well better say it was something to do with your guitarist guy!"

"What is it?" her friend persisted. "I'm not letting you back out until you spill." Then something seemed to dawn on her, and she grabbed her hand. "Wait, that was Julia? So then that hot guy with her is Mr. Pocket-Groper?"

Xiaoyu couldn't help but laugh at that one.

"Look." said Miharu seriously. "Drink your daiquiri, listen to the music, and have fun. I'll lend you Jay if you want."

"Jay?"

"Guitar guy."

She smiled. "No, don't worry. I can ignore Pocket-Groper."

Even as she said it, she knew it was a lie. She'd snuck a few glances at him already, enough to note that, like Jay, his jeans were tight in all the right places. Not that she cared. She followed Miharu out into the lounge, wondering if Jin was home yet, and if he was thinking about her. He was probably relieved she'd gone out, she thought with a snort. That way he wouldn't need to rack his brains for excuse number sixteen hundred and fifty three as to why he couldn't put his dick in her. Okay, that was a pretty crude way of putting it, but she was annoyed and on her third drink, plus she was a lightweight. As Miharu had often teased, five alcopops and she was anyone's.

"Sorry about that." she heard Miharu telling Julia. "I have guy issues, and since Xiaoyu's my only friend with a proper relationship, I had to borrow her a few minutes." Jules laughed and said something that Xiaoyu didn't quite hear as she was too busy trying to look aloof and dignfied as she breezed past Hwoarang and Guitar Guy, who were standing near the table, and sank down into her chair. Hwoarang's eyes locked with hers, and she could see amusement on his face, a knowing little smile on his lips, and bolts of electricity shot straight between her thighs. She scowled, crossed her legs, and downed the daiquiri.

* * *

Xiaoyu sighed. She had been hoping that Julia would decide to leave before they did. It was awful to admit, and she hated herself for thinking like that, because Jules was a sweetheart, but Hwoarang was with her, and she was scared she'd say something stupid or do something embarassing in front of him. Plus, she hated him. That was the main reason. 

Right now, her head was more than a little fuzzy, and she was having great difficulty negotiating the stairs in the new heels she had on. They were the jade diamante strappy ones, and she'd hesitated before putting them on when she was getting ready to go out because she was sure that if she got tipsy she wouldn't hide them properly, or at all, and then Jin would see them and ask about them, and she'd have to lie about the price. But, she'd reasoned, if she watched how much she drank, then that wouldn't be an issue.

Maybe she could stash them in one of the kitchen cupboards or hide them under the sofa?

Would she remember?

And wasn't diamante a weird word?

Cold air rushed over her as they got outside, and Miharu, a little worse for wear herself, stumbled a little and clutched Xiaoyu's arm to keep herself upright.

"Y'know." she said, wide brown eyes blinking slowly. "They should have made the streets less bumpy."

Julia, who'd caught Miharu's other arm to steady her, took a deep breath, face pale under the streetlamps.

"Well, I guess we should get a taxi. Want to share?"

Xiaoyu was searching her head for a suitable excuse when she realised that it wasn't the streetlamps that were making Jules's face look pale. Her friend looked like she was about to pass out any minute. She opened her mouth to say something, but Miharu was already tugging on Julia's hand, telling her that she didn't look well and she should go to the restroom, and they wouldn't be a minute, okay you guys? And then they'd disappeared inside the club and it was only her and Hwoarang, and irritation was welling inside her at how her body was responding to that fact, making her stomach flip and pins and needles run through her. No. It was the drink, not him.

"Wow." she heard herself saying, even as her brain tried to process what had just happened and why there were two people missing so quickly. "That's real gentleman-like, just ignore your girlfriend being ill, why don't you?"

Hwoarang turned to her.

"When did I ever give you the idea I was a gentleman?" The tone of his voice was enough to set her nerves on edge.

"Never." she snapped. "Just shut up."

_Shutupshutupshutup before I do something really stupid like kiss that gorgeous mouth of yours._

"You're still pissed at me?" he asked, sounding pleased.

"Go away."

"So you're still thinking about it, then."

She glared. Her mind spun fantasies of him kissing her right there in the street, of clothes coming off and hands wandering, and she _glared._ It was all his stupid goddamned fault. Something she'd realised as the night wore on was that her subconscious had already started associating him with sex. All. The. Time. Every time she'd looked at him, she thought about sex, and every time she thought of sex, she pictured him.

The doors swung open, and he turned, hand brushing her bare thigh as he moved. She wasn't sure if it was accidental or intentional, but it felt like she'd been burned, and triggered more stomach flipping action and more tingles through her veins. Why in the hell had she decided to wear a skirt tonight anyway?

Think of Jin, she pleaded with herself. She tried her best, concentrating on picturing his face, his smile, his messy spiky hair. Her mind decided to play the association game again, and two words popped into her head. Premature ejaculation.

She was going to kill her mother.


	6. Infuriated

_A/N: Another rare quick update from the Madame. I've changed the rating of this story to **M**__ now, since it's getting quite 'mature' now, and it'll carry on in the same way in later chapters. Thanks to you reviewers, you guys are the sex.__**  
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_**Chapter 6: Infuriated**_

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Someone was playing music. Xiaoyu forced her eyes open, turning her head to see if the bedroom door was open. Big mistake. As soon as she moved, a flash of pain zapped behind her eyes, like someone had drilled into her brain, and she let out a little groan, putting a hand to her forehead. That was the worst thing about being such a lightweight, the hangovers. Still, it was all that bastard Hwoarang's fault. She wouldn't have drank so much if it weren't for him being there. Lyrics and drumbeats sledgehammered her head, someone turned the volume up, and she whimpered, deciding as soon as she'd recovered, she was going to head next door to whoever was playing the music and stab them in the face. She rolled onto her front, grabbing the pillow and jamming it over her head, burying her face in the mattress.

She was worried about Julia after last night. Miharu and herself had been the ones who were a tad drunk, Mi stumbling and giggling, her unsteady and scowling. Julia hadn't really had much to drink at all, but she'd thrown up in the bathroom all the same. When they'd come back out, Jules had laughed it off, saying that it was the last time she'd get a sandwich from the university canteen. But she still hadn't looked well. Hwoarang, true to what he'd said to her about being a gentleman, didn't seem too concerned. He'd put a hand on Julia's shoulder, but that was it. If it had been her and Jin, he would have fussed over her and brushed her hair away from her face, eyes wide and concerned, asking if she was okay now, and if she needed him to do anything, was she sure, positive? She smiled into the mattress. Jin might have workaholic issues, but when it came to looking after her, he was perfect.

As if on cue, the door creaked open. Xiaoyu peeked out from under the pillow to see Jin smiling down at her, the half full filter jug from the fridge and a glass of water in hand.

"Mnh." she said, turning onto her back and easing herself into a sitting position.

"Hey." He handed the glass to her. "I figured since you still weren't up, you'd had more than four drinks."

"I thought you were working. Oh, leave that here."

He put the jug down.

"I am. From home today."

She nodded, taking a sip of water, and Jin flashed her another smile.

"Let me know if you need anything else." He tossed some painkillers onto the bedside table as he left.

* * *

When Xiaoyu opened her eyes again, the sun was low in the sky. Her headache had ebbed away, and she was feeling pretty refreshed after that long sleep. She reached for her phone. Two unread messages. One text was from Julia, telling her she felt much better today, that she hoped Xiaoyu's hangover wasn't too bad, and she was looking forward to dinner on Friday. 

Dinner? She guessed they must have arranged another outing to do with Jin's funding, and she'd just forgotten about it. Hopefully those two wouldn't have as much to talk about this time and she'd be able to actually get to talk to Jules properly. And hopefully Hwoarang would just die or something, so she wouldn't be able to bring him along.

The other was from Miharu, telling her that 'J' was a little bit of an airhead, but the best sex she'd ever had. She raised her eyebrows. Hadn't they only been introduced last night? Jay was a hottie, though, so she couldn't blame her for having sex with him, even if they had only just met. But then again, did she mean the guitarist from last night, or some other guy whose name began with 'J'? Xiaoyu seemed to remember Miharu mentioning a 'Jake' or a 'Jason' or something or other she had a crush on from the office.

Well, it was alright for _some_. She put the phone back on the table and thought. Jin hadn't seemed too distracted when he'd brought her water. Maybe it was worth attempting to lure him into bed with her again. She hadn't tried for a few days. Maybe today it'd work.

She could hear his footsteps on the stairs (he was probably coming to check on her), so she whipped off her bra, pulled the covers up to her neck and waited. He turned the doorhandle and peered into the room, and she smiled at him.

"Feeling better?"

"Yep. Whoever invented painkillers has my undying affection."

Jin came into the room and started putting away the clothes she'd left on the chair.

"Glad to hear it. So you had fun last night, I take it?"

"Yeah. Miharu got herself a guitarist."

He laughed. "Sounds like her."

Hmm. Easy conversation, and he hadn't mentioned work once. Xiaoyu took a deep breath.

"Hey, Jin?"

"Mmm?"

She sat up, letting the covers fall down to her waist. He turned, and she saw his mouth open slightly, saw him wet his lips, and then he smiled.

"What're you doing over there?" she asked sweetly.

He came over, and she felt her stomach tighten. Then he was kissing her; slow, soft kisses that made her sigh contentedly, and his hands ran over her skin, lightly stroking her breasts, her back, her stomach. Xiaoyu deepened the kiss, coaxing his mouth open and sliding her tongue inside, her heart leaping when he responded with his own. She ran her fingers through his hair, giving a little squeal of delight as he pulled her into his lap, pressing her against him, lips grazing her cheek and trailing down her neck. Her breath caught when he slipped a hand inside her underwear, quickly finding that sweet spot and rubbing gently, making her arch into his hand and wind her legs around him.

"Mm, right there." she breathed, and his fingers moved faster, his lips on hers as she trembled, moaning into his mouth. This was the Jin she remembered, the one who knew exactly what to do to send her crazy, helpless, make her wrap herself around him and shudder with pleasure. The one whose touch was sending her higher and higher with every moment, sending her closer to that glittering, electric feeling that sent waves of liquid fire through her, made her body jerk and her back arch. But what she wanted, what she _needed_ desperately, was to feel him inside her, filling her, and she managed to regain enough of her mind to reach between their bodies and tug at his zipper, push his trousers down over his hips. His fingers stopped suddenly, and he pulled away.

"I can't, Xiao." he told her quietly, and she gazed at him, confused.

"What?"

"I haven't got the time."

"What are you _talking_ about?" Her eyes were wide with disbelief, her voice plaintive. Jin sighed, as if he thought it should be obvious.

"Well, it's nearly seven and I need to look over some documents again. I'm supposed to have a telephone conference soon."

Xiaoyu blinked a few times, feeling tears stinging her eyes. She wouldn't let him see her cry, couldn't let him know how much he was hurting her right now. Anger boiled inside her as the pleasure slowly faded; he'd brought her almost to the edge and now...

"Right." she said, as coolly as possible, turning her head as he tried to kiss her again.

"Don't be like this."

She couldn't keep a lid on her temper anymore, and she pushed him away, springing off the bed and wrapping her dressing gown around her roughly, eyes burning.

"Xiao, don't you think you're overreacting? Come back."

She whirled around; so angry she was hardly able to speak.

"You don't think I have the right to be _little_ bit annoyed right now?" she screeched. "You don't think you've done anything _wrong_?"

"I can't help -"

"No!" she interrupted. "Don't even try explaining yourself, I do _not _want to hear it."

"But -"

"Don't speak to me!" She was shaking, she was so furious. "Don't look at me, don't even come near me!" She stormed towards the door, and Jin got off the bed to follow her.

"Xiao, it doesn't mean we can't carry on what we were doing before!"

"I'll finish myself off." she hissed, hearing her voice crack. "Go read your _fucking_ documents."


	7. Disappointed

_A/N: Sorry if this chapter sucks, for some reason I had real trouble with it!  
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**_Chapter 7: Disappointed_**

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As furious as she was, Xiaoyu was half hoping that Jin would follow her, that he'd apologize, wrap his arms around her the way he used to do so often, tell her he loved her and he was sorry. She knew he wouldn't. He was probably too busy going over those damned files right now. For a moment she pondered throwing open the front door, running out into the warm evening, driving down to the main street and finding the smokiest, darkest corner of the smokiest, darkest bar she could and drowning her misery there. She swiped at her eyes, slamming the door to the living room and locking it so if he did decide to try and apologize he couldn't get in and bother her. Maybe she could go to Miharu's, just for tonight. Then she remembered the text and decided against it, Mi was probably still having amazing sex with 'J', and wouldn't appreciate being interrupted by a sniffly Xiaoyu mid-orgasm. And she couldn't impose on Julia; she wouldn't offload her problems on her. It'd most likely make her uncomfortable anyway. Plus, when she got back, Jin would most likely tell her she was being childish. Again.

Instead, she headed into the kitchen and rifled through the cupboards until she found the big bar of cooking chocolate that had come free with a box of cereal a few weeks ago. She crammed five squares into her mouth, chewed, swallowed, and went into the lounge again. _I won't cry._ Xiaoyu told herself, settling back on the sofa and wrapping the throw around herself. The chocolate had left a bitter aftertaste in her mouth, but she guessed it was her own fault for not restocking on the praline._ I can't let him get to me. I won't cry_, she thought furiously, even as tears welled in her eyes and spilled down her cheeks. Her eyes slid closed against the tears, she pulled the throw tighter around her, and slipped into a dark, dreamless sleep.

* * *

"I still can't believe how good he was." Miharu said gleefully, taking a sip of tea and smirking at the memory. "I mean, I've never been with someone who could push my buttons like that, it was like he knew _exactly_ what I like best."

Xiaoyu raised a forkful of cake to her mouth, trying to focus on what her friend was saying and not let herself think of the whole fiasco from the other day. She hadn't said two words to Jin since then, and as a result she was dreading having to go to the restaurant tonight and put on a happy, carefree facade so as not to concern Julia or trigger any snide comments from Hwoarang. Miharu had stopped talking, and was staring at her curiously, so she tried to smile.

"What?"

"Are you okay? You seem down."

"Jin and I had a fight." she sighed, and Miharu grinned.

"Two words, Xiao. Make-up sex. Or is that three words?"

The comment pierced her chest, and she felt sadness welling up inside her, threatening to overflow. And she ached to tell Miharu the truth, to share her problems and get her advice, but looking into those amused brown eyes, she just couldn't.

"I think it's two. And I know, I know. Let's talk about something else." she said instead, pasting on a bright smile, and her friend raised an eyebrow but didn't press any further.

* * *

On the way to the restaurant, Jin made a few lame attempts to make conversation with her. The majority of the time, Xiaoyu completely ignored him, and the rest of the time, she responded with one word answers. She never turned her gaze from the window. When the car parked up outside the pretty, yellow bricked building, she didn't even wait for the driver to open the door for her the way she usually would. Instead, she let herself out, walking briskly towards the entrance, ahead of Jin, before he could try taking her hand or walking in with her. Once she'd made it inside, she slowed down a little as she reached the bar. She needed time to brace herself for the inevitable annoyance that would spark inside her at the mere sight of Hwoarang. There was no need. When she turned the corner, Julia was alone at the table. 

As Xiaoyu approached, she felt a pang of relief, but it was mixed with something else. Disappointment? No, that wasn't it at all. She hated him. So he wasn't there? Good. She was _glad_. Wait. No. She wasn't glad. She didn't _care_.

"Hey!" She slid into the chair in front of her friend, dropping her handbag onto the carpet between her feet. Julia beamed.

"Hey, Xiao! How are you?"

"Great. You?"

"Pretty good. Where's Jin?"

"He'll be here any minute." Xiaoyu replied with a wave of her hand. "Probably talking to the driver."

"Hwoarang's at work, but he's coming by in about an hour." Julia told her. "So you'll have to find someone else to glare at for a while." So she'd noticed, Xiaoyu thought, turning pink. However, there was no anger in her voice, just a slight hint of laughter.

"Um... I'm sorry." she said lamely, spotting Jin heading over out of the corner of her eye. He looked irritated, and she allowed herself a smug smile over that fact. Good. At least he was finally showing some goddamn emotion.

"Don't worry." Julia was saying. "When I first met him, I didn't like him either." She brushed her hair out of her eyes, smiling softly. "But you know what? After we'd known each other a while, and we'd had some really silly three am conversations, I realized I was wrong about him. He's a really decent guy."

_Decent guy? _Xiaoyu scoffed inwardly. Decent guys didn't cop a feel. Decent guys knew a thing or two about personal space.

Jin finally reached them, faint irritation still on his face. He sat down beside Xiaoyu, and she turned away, staring into space as he and Julia exchanged greetings and then immediately started chatting about the project.

This time, she was glad. She'd rather be bored than have to speak to Jin when she was still so annoyed with him. He'd said that she was being silly, that giving him the silent treatment was juvenile. That he didn't understand why she was so angry. Xiaoyu scowled at the memory. She was sure Jin wasn't _that _much of an idiot. What had happened these last few months? Things had gone downhill so fast, and she didn't know how to sort it out. She didn't even know if it _could_ be sorted out.

Julia, noticing her expression, tried her best to include her in the conversation, but she just couldn't conjure up enough enthusiasm to participate for very long. By the time they'd finished their starter and ordered the main, Xiaoyu was resting her chin on her fist and staring towards the bar, completely detached. A feeling of anxiety was building in her stomach (she refused to even entertain that it felt all too similar to butterflies) as she realized that it had been almost an hour, and Hwoarang would most likely be on his way here right now. She couldn't face him. Just the thought of him was enough to piss her off at the moment, and she didn't want to show herself up by picking a fight with him in the middle of the restaurant. She put a hand to her forehead, trying to force away thoughts of how fights led to make-up sex. Or should lead to make-up sex, but in her case, they just led to sleeping on the sofa and eating cooking chocolate.

"You okay?" Julia asked. "You look pale."

Xiaoyu blinked.

"You were really quiet on the way here, too" Jin said.

_Yeah. I was quiet because of a mystery ailment, Jin. It couldn't be anything to do with me still being pissed at you, could it?_

Annoyance prickled at her, but she ignored it. This was her chance to skip on out of here and avoid even having to _look_ at Hwoarang.

"I've got a really bad headache." she said in a small voice. "I'm sorry. I haven't been much company, have I?"

"Don't worry about it." Julia told her. "But if it's really bad, maybe you should go home and get some rest?"

"Xiaoyu..." Jin reached to stroke her hair from her face, and she stood up quickly.

"Yeah, I think I will. I'm really sorry, Jules."

"You want me to call the driver?" Jin asked, and she nodded, forcing herself to smile at him. Appearances and all that. He looked relieved. She imagined the frosty reception she was treating him to couldn't be much fun. Like she cared.

"I'm gonna go outside. The fresh air might help a bit."

"You sure you'll be okay?"

She smiled at Julia.

"Yeah. Don't worry about me."

* * *

The car park was deserted, almost silent apart from the few snatches of conversation and raucous laughter that floated from the beer garden every now and again. There were a few small lamps that lit the area with a pale orange glow; the floodlights hadn't been turned on yet with it being early dusk. One of them was flickering off and on every couple of minutes, and Xiaoyu narrowed her eyes. If she stared at it too long, she probably would get a headache. Well, karma seemed to love to bite her in the ass anyway. She'd probably have an aneurism and die any minute now, knowing her luck.

The driver wouldn't take too long to get there, and she fully intended to bury herself in blankets and pillows and settle down to a sitcom marathon when she got home. For a moment, she thought of calling Miharu over, but it was Friday night. Somehow, Xiaoyu doubted she was home right now. Up ahead of her, she could see someone walking through the entrance gates of the carpark. They didn't seem to be in any hurry to get inside, hands in pockets, leisurely pace. It was probably some asshole guy who was late for a date and figured since they weren't on time anyway, they might as well not bother rushing. Wait. She squinted as the figure walked past one of the lamps. They looked familiar. They looked like...

Xiaoyu dropped into a crouch, scuttling between some parked cars, heart hammering in her chest. Had he seen her? Dammit, she was _so_ not in the mood to speak to him. She squeezed as far back from the path as she could, hugging her legs to her knees, her bag swinging from her wrist, and held her breath.

_I'm hiding from a stupid guy. _She thought with disgust_. What the hell is wrong with me?_

After a while, she heard his footsteps as he went past her hiding place, the pace never changing, she noted with a sigh of relief. He couldn't have spotted her. Thank God. It didn't change the fact that she'd hidden from him like some kind of pathetic idiot though. Xiaoyu rolled her eyes at her actions, getting to her feet and walking out from between the cars. She looked over to the entrance. No sign of him. Good.

"What were you doing just then?"

Xiaoyu jumped, barely suppressing a shriek, and whirled around angrily.

"Don't sneak up on me, you asshole!"

Hwoarang laughed at her, and she fixed him with a white hot glare that he completely ignored.

"Were you hiding from me?"

"No!" she yelled, mentally kicking herself for answering too quickly. "I was.. just... I was looking for my phone! I dropped it."

"Okay." He said, totally unconvinced. "What're you doing out here? Shouldn't you be inside?"

"I have a headache." she snapped.

"Nice job. So I guess it's as interesting as it was last time then?"

"It's not an excuse."

"Sure it isn't."

Xiaoyu scowled at him.

"Why don't you run along inside?" she asked, folding her arms. "In case you haven't noticed, I really don't want your company."

"And why's that?" He sounded like he was finding the conversation vastly entertaining, and it pissed her off.

"Because I don't like you, that's why!"

He smirked, stepping closer to her. Xiaoyu took a step back.

"Tactful."

"I'm surprised you even know what that means." she sneered, beginning to turn away. Before she could move any further, his hand cupped her chin, tilting her face up to his. For a moment she stood there stupidly, just focusing on the weird feeling curling in her stomach. Why was it so familiar? The evening breeze was ruffling Hwoarang's messy hair as she stood frozen in front of him. She smiled inwardly, despite herself, looking him up and down. Every time she saw him, he looked like he'd just got out of bed and slung on whatever t-shirt and faded jeans combo that was nearest. Totally different to Jin, who wasn't your average twenty three year old. He always wore shirts and smart suits and looked grown up all the time.

"I'm surprised you haven't pushed me away."

It was like his words snapped her out of a trance. Xiaoyu's hands immediately came up to shove at his chest, and he didn't even flinch. When she touched him, she felt sparks rush through her body, a warm tingling from fingertips to toes. Finally, she realized what the familiar sensation was. It was the same feeling she'd had when she was just getting to know Jin. The crush she'd developed on him had made her stomach feel tingly and swirly when he was around, just like it felt now. She stared up at Hwoarang, hands still planted firmly on his front, and opened her mouth to speak. What she was planning on saying, she didn't know, but then whatever it was didn't matter any more because he was kissing her.


	8. Exhausted

_A/N: Oh emm gee, another quick update. I'm on a roll here. (I know, I know, famous last words.) Thanks and e-cookies to you reviewers, I love you guys._

_**Chapter 8: Exhausted**_

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It was one of those kisses that made Xiaoyu feel like she was about to fall apart. Passionate, warm, a kiss that made her give an 'mmm' and bring her hands up to run through his hair, that made her forget for a few moments that she was angry and frustrated and lonely. Hwoarang's arms wrapped around her as she kissed him back, and she felt as though her knees would give out as soon as he let go. She wanted to lose herself in that kiss, to imagine that she was someone else and she wasn't doing anything wrong by reacting the way she was. She should have twisted out of his arms, snapped at him, flounced off . Xiaoyu knew this, and still she let him deepen the kiss, let the feelings wash over her, let her mind go pleasantly fuzzy and let herself just focus on the feel of his lips against hers and what it was doing to her.

The sound of a car approaching was what finally brought her back to herself. She quickly pulled away, eyes wide, heart thudding in her chest. It wasn't Jin's driver, but the idea that it could have been was enough. Xiaoyu looked up at Hwoarang, who was staring back at her in confusion.

"What did you do that for?" she asked, her voice trembling. He shook his head, smiled.

"I dunno."

Then he'd just walked into the restaurant and left her there, she thought angrily, dipping a toe into the bathwater and flinching. Too hot. About two minutes after he'd gone, the driver had turned up, and as soon as she'd got in the house, she'd scrambled upstairs and run herself a bath. The sitcoms could wait. Right now she wanted to light some candles, immerse herself in bubbles and forget. How could she have kissed him? And right outside the restaurant where Jin and Julia were happily talking, no less?

She wrapped a big towel around herself and went into the study, searching the bookshelves for the romance novel she was halfway through. She didn't think much of it, (come on, the lead male was called _Chad_) but it was escapism enough to take her mind off everything. Back in the bathroom, she ran cold water for a while, then sank into the bathtub and flipped open the book. Chad had just finished bringing Summer to tears with the details of his oh-so-painful past.

Guilt gnawed at Xiaoyu, even as she tried to concentrate on her book. She remembered Julia's soft smile as she'd talked about Hwoarang. How could she have done something like that to her friend? It was obvious Jules really liked him.

_I'm a horrible, boyfriend-kissing bitch._

She slid under the water to wet her hair, then grabbed the shampoo.

Not only Julia, how could she do that to _Jin_? Yeah, they were having problems right now, and she was still angry with him, but that didn't change the fact that she loved him. They could sort things out. There was no need for her to go around kissing other people.

Maybe the kiss was a good thing. At least it had woken her up to the fact that she had a marriage to sort out, and that wasn't gonna be accomplished by giving Jin the silent treatment. They had to talk about this. Even if Jin tried to get out of it, she was going to make him talk to her. They'd figure out what was wrong, apologise to each other, and then things would go back to normal.

* * *

Xiaoyu was sitting on the bed, just finishing brushing her wet hair through, when she heard the front door open.

"Hey." she called, listening carefully to Jin's footsteps. Hopefully he wouldn't decide to give her a taste of her own medicine and start ignoring her.

"I thought you'd be asleep." he replied, and she could hear him coming upstairs.

"Not tired." She ran her fingers through her hair, getting them stuck. How much had she paid for that conditioner?

"How's your head?"

Jin was in the bedroom now, tugging his tie off and throwing it on the chair next to the mirrror.

"It's okay now. Listen - "

"Good. I'm gonna get some sleep."

Xiaoyu watched him take his shirt off, cross the room to put it in the washing basket, comb his fingers through his hair.

"Jin, before you go to sleep I was won-"

He made a dismissive 'tch' noise, and she stopped.

"What?"

"Nothing. Just surprised."

"Surprised?"

"Yeah. You've spoken an actual sentence to me."

Xiaoyu sighed, lowering her head like a child who'd been told off. She guessed that she shouldn't have expected him to act like nothing was wrong, but she just wanted to get things resolved as quickly as she could. Which wouldn't be too quick if he carried on interrupting her.

"Well, I was thinking about things after I got home. I'm sorry that I didn't talk to you in the car. I know you were trying."

Jin sat on the other side of the bed, his back to her.

"I know things are... difficult right now." he muttered. "But it'll get better. Once things at work aren't so demanding."

"Say work gets less demanding. What happens when it gets _more_ demanding again? Are we gonna be like this every time, Jin?"

"Well, you'll be used to it next time."

Xiaoyu slammed her hand down on the mattress.

"Jin, I don't _want_ to get used to it. I want things to be how they were before!" She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to calm down. Losing her temper wouldn't get them anywhere. "What's so different at work than it was a year ago? Even with all those issues when you first started there, you still had time for me!"

"That was different."

"Yeah. Different how?"

Jin didn't answer, he just sighed.

"Is it..." she trailed off as he got into bed. He was doing his best to ignore the conversation, she thought, narrowing her eyes. "Jin. Is it me?"

"Why would it be you?"

"Because... Because you don't even kiss me much anymore. Because we used to..."

"Xiao, come on. We can talk about this tomorrow." He turned the light off.

_Tomorrow. Always tomorrow._

Xiaoyu shook her head, switching it back on.

"No! We're talking about it now!" She could hear a tinge of desperation creeping into her voice, and tried to force it back. "Tell me the truth, Jin, I don't care if you think it'll upset me or what! Is it me?"

"Go to sleep, Xiaoyu."

"Is it me?" she repeated. "Did I do something, or say something? Have your feelings changed? Am I... not... Do you just not wanna have sex with me?"

"It is _not_ you." Jin said, his voice calm, soothing. "It's me. It's my stuff, nothing to do with you."

"Then let me help. Tell me what's wrong, and we can sort it out together!"

"Nothing's wrong. I just don't think sex is so important any more. I don't really have a need for it right now."

Xiaoyu stared at the curtains, at the glow from the streetlamps outside.

"You're a guy." she said quietly.

"Not all guys are the same."

She stayed sitting on the bed long after Jin had drifted into sleep. No one could say she hadn't tried. She glared at the curtains, wondering when Jin was going to realise that there were two people in the relationship. Wasn't it possible for him to compromise with her? If he loved her, he'd try to work with her, right?

Xiaoyu closed her eyes, thinking back to that kiss. That kiss, which could be taken as a promise of something more if she wanted it. She didn't want it, she told herself angrily, even as her hand came up to touch to her lips. She didn't want to be a backstabber, that girl who kissed other women's boyfriends, who didn't care who she was hurting. She wanted Jin.


	9. Conflicted

_A/N: Sorry if this chapter seems a little bit choppy, I couldn't seem to edit it to read the way I like it to. I hope it's okay.  
_

_**Chapter 9: Conflicted**_

_**

* * *

**_

"Y'know, things would be so much easier if I was like you." Xiaoyu said, fiddling with the DVD player as Miharu lounged on the sofa. 

"Like me? I'm no good with electrical stuff either."

"No, I mean..." she sighed, sitting back and looking around for the remote. "I guess sometimes I wish I wasn't married."

This time, it wasn't anything to do with how Jin was acting. Xiaoyu had decided that she'd do her best to be more tolerant and understanding. She'd decided to take the kiss as a warning of what could happen if she wasn't careful, not as a promise. Miharu frowned.

"Has your mum been bothering you about grandkids again?"

"No. I just... sometimes I feel like I just got married too young."

"You're bored of Jin?"

Xiaoyu shook her head. She couldn't really put into words how she felt. At the moment, she felt like by getting married she'd passed by the excitement of living on her own and going to university or looking for her dream job, going on terrible dates and laughing with her friends about them afterwards, doing all the things that other girls her age were doing. Miharu had so much freedom to do whatever she wanted. Xiaoyu felt as though she was trapped in her beautiful house with her chrome countertops and plasma television.

"No, I'm just bored, that's all."

Lately it had been on her mind too often, and she knew that she shouldn't think like that. She had Jin, and the aforementioned beautiful house, she reminded herself yet again. Whether it was suffocating her or not, it was still hers. Most girls her age were renting. And with the amount that Xiaoyu spent on shoes and clothes, it was a good thing she didn't have to live from payday to payday. She flicked the television on and started the film, sitting cross legged on the rug and holding her hand out for the popcorn bowl near Miharu.

"If you're bored, just call me." Miharu was saying. "You know I'll find us something to do."

"I know."

"Hey, why don't we do something now?"

"Now? But it's starting." Xiaoyu pointed to the TV.

"We can watch that anytime. Let's go see a movie where you're _supposed _to see them."

"I haven't done that in ages." Xiaoyu smiled. The last time she'd seen a film at the cinema was about a year ago. Before Jin had started working constantly, and they'd actually had time to go out and do stuff.

"Well, it's about time you did." Miharu threw her jacket towards her, slinging her bag over her shoulder and grinning. "And since it was _my_ brilliant idea, I get to pick what we're watching."

"Do I get to drive?"

Miharu gave her a look. They caught a taxi downtown.

_**

* * *

**_

"Well, I think that movie holds the record for 'most unintentionally funny film ever', don't you?" Miharu giggled, clutching her still half full popcorn bucket to her chest. Xiaoyu grinned as they made their way up the stairs past the crowds. She couldn't remember the last time she'd laughed so much. _This is what I should be doing,_ she thought to herself. Not hanging around at home by herself all the time. If only she and Jin could do this sometime.

"Do you think we could do this again soon?" she asked Miharu as they reached the revolving doors. Her friend beamed at her.

"Of course, idiot. Like I said, just call me."

Xiaoyu walked with her to the taxi rank, stealing a handful of popcorn and cramming it into her mouth.

"You sure you don't wanna come to this opening?" Miharu asked, handing her the bucket.

"I'm gonna wait up for Jin." She mumbled through the popcorn. Miharu winked at her as a taxi pulled up.

"Say no more. I'll see you tomorrow for lunch then, okay?"

Xiaoyu waved, waiting until Miharu's taxi turned off and disappeared from sight. She'd promised that she'd get herself a lift home, but the wind was warm, and the sun hadn't quite set yet. It was shaping up to be a nice evening, and Xiaoyu had decided she'd rather walk.

It had been a while since she'd taken a nice relaxing stroll anyway. She walked back up the high street, taking in the sight of the evening sun, reflecting off the shop windows, casting a long shadow behind her. Two teenagers whizzed past her on their bikes, she could hear music and conversation coming from one of the pubs nearby, electronic beeping as someone used a cash machine. It was nice to just walk, to have a clear head and not have to think about things. As Xiaoyu passed a pub's entrance, the doors swung outwards as a group of people surged through, chatting loudly. She stopped to let them pass, the scent of perfume and cigarettes hanging in the air around them. For a moment as they walked away, Xiaoyu wondered if they were students, celebrating after exams, her age, whether she could have had that life if things had been different.

"What're you doing here?"

Xiaoyu turned, her stomach flipping at the sound of the voice.

"Like it's anything to do with you." she said icily, taking a step back, already feeling as though Hwoarang was standing too close to her.

"Just asking." he said, all innocence She narrowed her eyes. From her experience, the more innocent a guy looked, the less innocent he actually was. "I get it. If I was married to someone like Kazama, I'd drink too."

Xiaoyu rolled her eyes. "Why are you even talking to me?"

"Jules was worried about you the other day." said Hwoarang. "Don't worry though, I told her I'd seen you on the way in."

"W-what did you tell her?" Why was _she_ even talking to _him_? He was probably just trying to get a rise out of her. Why didn't she just walk away?

"I said you looked like you needed to lie down."

Xiaoyu scowled at him.

"You're an asshole."

"What would you have preferred me to say?"

"Shut up!" she growled, turning on her heel. "I can't stand to be near you." She set off walking, even though it was the direction she'd just come from, and the opposite direction from home. Anything to get away from him.

"Why did you kiss me then?" he called after her, and Xiaoyu stopped dead, her temper flaring.

"I didn't!" she snarled. "You were the one who kissed me. I didn't do _anything_."

"Is that right?" Hwoarang asked, walking back over to her, a smile playing on his lips. "You didn't do anything?" She shook her head, and he leaned closer. "You just stood there like an idiot?"

"I..."

"You didn't touch me at all?"

Xiaoyu turned her face away to glare at the sidewalk, heart pounding, but he put a hand under her chin, forcing her to look at him.

"You didn't kiss back?"

They were so close that their bodies were almost touching, a fact that Xiaoyu was painfully aware of. If she just moved forward a little more, she could be in his arms, could kiss him until everything melted away and nothing mattered, could... _Could what?_

She jerked backwards, clutching the popcorn bucket that Miharu had given her to her chest as a barrier. What the hell was the matter with her? Why was she thinking things like that? She didn't want any of it. None of it.

"Who cares if I did? It's not gonna happen again." Xiaoyu pushed past him. "Ever."

_I'll never let it happen again,_ she thought furiously. She was going home, to Jin, to her house, to where it was safe.


	10. Agitated

A/N: A quick update again! It's starting to be a not-so-rare occurence, isn't it? Thanks to you awesome guys and girls who reviewed the last chapter, this one's longer than usual just for you. ;)

* * *

**_Chapter 10: Agitated_**

* * *

For the remainder of the week, Xiaoyu did her best to clear her mind of all things relationship related and just focus on doing things that needed doing. She sorted through her wardrobe, condemning fashion disasters to a black binliner and at the same time creating more hiding places for her shoes. She cleared out the bathroom and kitchen cabinets of nearly empty tubes and bottles, recycled the old newspapers, TV guides and glossy women's magazines that were jammed in the rack, replied to all her email and organised the DVDs and CDs into alphabetical order. On Friday afternoon, finding no other jobs to be done in the house, Xiaoyu set out to do the grocery shopping. They usually just ordered online, but she'd decided that she could deal with becoming the sort of woman who got excited about two for one offers if it meant she wasn't the sort of woman who lusted after her friends' boyfriends and put her marriage in jeopardy. 

The supermarket was crowded, full of old ladies and mothers and children, some well-behaved, some screaming and having hissy-fits over toys that they wanted. As Xiaoyu queued up with her full basket, a little boy in front of her pointed at some chocolate on the shelf next to the tills, tugging at his mother's sleeve.

"No, you'll spoil your dinner." the woman told him, and Xiaoyu allowed herself a little smile. How many times had her mother told her that back when she was a child? Actually, how many times had _Jin_ told her that when he saw her with a chocolate bar in the afternoons? Sometimes he reminded her so much of her mother with the things he said that she'd have to bite her tongue to keep from mentioning it. She was sure he wouldn't be too happy if she told him. Though it would be worth it just to see the look on his face.

Xiaoyu looked down at the contents of her basket, thinking. If she hurried home, she could start on dinner and have it done by the time Jin got in. He'd certainly be surprised to see that she'd actually cooked something for once, instead of taking something out of the freezer and sticking it in the microwave. _Well,_ she thought with a faint smile, _mother always says that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach._ She often bored Xiaoyu with the story of how she'd made her father fall in love with her by serving him her famous steamed buns and pork and mushrooms.

Steamed buns, she couldn't do. But, she could handle a simple stir-fry, at a pinch. Then they'd cuddle up and watch some TV, and hopefully... Hopefully he wouldn't whine that he was too tired or pull some other stupid excuse out of nowhere. She'd managed four days before she'd run out of patience and started scheming ways to get Jin to sleep with her. A new record.

Xiaoyu was still mentally running through the evening when she reached her front door, slid the key home, and realised the door was already unlocked. It swung open, revealing Jin standing there, already changed out of his work clothes and holding a small child.

For a moment, Xiaoyu just stared. She didn't know what was more surprising, the vaguely familiar child, or the fact that Jin was home at six.

"What's going on?" she asked, blinking.

"Oh, Christie called. She wanted us to look after Elliott for a couple of hours. I said it was okay."

"Called here?"

"No, she called me at work. I took a half day." He looked at her questioningly. "You went shopping? I was gonna order it."

"Oh, I wanted something to do." Xiaoyu replied, walking into the kitchen and setting the bags on the countertop. "When's Christie coming for him?"

"I dunno. She said about ten, but she'll call."

"Right." She started unloading the shopping, sighing inwardly. Well, that was her plan shot down in flames. She supposed they could still have a late dinner, but knowing Jin, he'd take off to bed and be wrapped up in the covers before she could bat an eyelid.

"You hungry? I was gonna make something."

"No, it's fine." Jin replied. "I had dinner already. Listen, I'm gonna go put something on TV for Elliott. Why don't you have a bath?"

Well, she hadn't had chance to read her romance novel, what with all the sorting out she'd been doing and the errands she'd been running. Xiaoyu guessed her plan could wait a day. Besides, if she sat with the kid, she'd only catch herself throwing him resentful glances every so often for ruining her evening by existing. And then she'd feel bad about directing nasty thoughts towards a three year old.

After an hour long soak in the bathtub, Xiaoyu slipped on her pyjamas and stepped out into the hallway. She could hear Jin's voice as he talked to the little boy, and tiptoed over to the study doorway where the two of them were sitting on the floor. Xiaoyu couldn't help but smile at the sight of Jin sitting cross legged with the kid in his lap, reading out loud and pointing at the pictures in the book.

_Perfect_, she thought. _He's so very nearly perfect._

The shrill ring of the telephone made her jump, and she hurried back down the hall before he could notice her, intending to tidy the bathroom. She could hear Jin talking as she walked away.

"Hey, everything okay? Good. Glad to hear it. Huh? Is that right? Tonight? Well, no, it's not."

Xiaoyu stopped, listening intently. It had to be work. Was she going to get stuck with Elliott for the next three hours? She was hopeless with kids.

"No. Uh-huh. Yeah, I'll get on that first thing. I'm busy tonight."

Her first reaction was to breathe a sigh of relief. She didn't have to worry about breaking the baby. Her second reaction was one of hope, swelling in her heart and lifting her mood as she heard Jin start reading again.

"Uh, Jin?" Xiaoyu asked later, trying to sound casual as they waved off Christie at the door.

"Mmm?"

"I was just wondering..." She closed the door and followed him into the living room. "I heard you talking on the phone earlier. Was it work?"

He nodded, sitting down on the sofa and patting the cushion next to him. She sat, and he put an arm around her, pulling her close and stroking her hair softly. For a while, they stayed like that, Xiaoyu resting her head on his shoulder and staring at the muted television.

"They wanted you to do something?" she asked eventually.

"Yeah. I told them I was busy."

"I know." She closed her eyes. "And...well, it got me thinking. You think we could arrange something, maybe one night a week where you can say you're busy and it's just us? No distractions? Y'know... we could go see a movie, or go out to dinner somewhere... Or we could stay home..."

"Xiao... tonight was a one off"

She sat up.

"What do you mean?"

He gave her a look, as if to say that what he meant should have been obvious.

"There was no way around it. I know you'd have panicked if I'd have left you alone with him."

"But they were okay about it, weren't they? So couldn't you do it again?"

"I can't just ditch my responsibilities for trivial reasons like that, Xiao."

Trivial. The word stabbed at her, turning disappointment into anger, making her stand up abruptly, whirl around to face him without even trying to disguise her hurt.

"Why do I even bother?" she asked, voice wavering. "What's the point?"

Jin sighed. The sort of sigh he always used when he thought she was being silly, or childish.

"Xiao, don't be like this."

"No, Jin. Tell me. What's the point?"

"The point of what?"

"What's the point in even trying with you? All I've been doing these past few months is trying my hardest to get you to act like you used to!"

He opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off.

"I can only do so much, Jin! I can only take so much of this crap!"

"How many times do I have to tell you -"

"No! Listen to me! Listen! Let me tell you how I feel, and listen to me!" Xiaoyu was aware that she probably sounded like a spoiled brat, but she didn't much care. "Is it so much to ask? I just want things to be like they were before! I can't do this all by myself, Jin!" She could feel tears welling up in her eyes, and swiped at them angrily. "I feel like... Like I'm your _roommate!_ I don't feel like your wife anymore."

"I think you need to calm down. I can't talk sense to you when you're like this."

Xiaoyu stood in front of him, eyes wide, tears beginning to slip down her face.

"Fuck you." she spat.

Waking up after an argument always struck Xiaoyu as being similar to waking up after a night out and realising that you'd been so drunk that you'd made a complete idiot of youself. There were the initial few moments when you first woke up and didn't remember what had happened, then the few moments afterwards when everything came flooding back and your heart sank, and you thought_ 'did I really do that'? _Not that she didn't feel like what she had said was justified, but she probably could have handled it better.

_No,_ she thought, anger still bubbling inside her. _Why should I have? He was the one in the wrong, not me. _

Xiaoyu stumbled out of bed, wrapped her dressing gown around her and sloped downstairs to forage for cereal, her mood worsening with each step down the staircase. She could hear snippets of conversation from the living room, Jin must have left the TV on. Hopefully it was a talk show, and she could watch it and take solace in the fact that the guests were worse off than she was.

However, when she swung open the door to the lounge, the TV was off. Julia was there, sitting on the sofa across from Jin, searching through documents spread across the coffee table. She looked up, giving Xiaoyu a friendly smile.

"Morning!"

"Oh, um... hey Jules." she mumbled, hands flying up to smooth down her bed hair. "I wasn't expecting to see you here." Her mind whispered_ you kissed her boyfriend, you kissed her boyfriend, you nasty little bitch._

"Yeah, well I have exams soon, so I won't be able to make our usual dinner dates." Julia replied. "It isn't a bother, me being here, is it?" _I'm sorry, Julia. I'm so sorry._

"No!" Xiaoyu answered quickly, managing a small smile. "It's fine. But if I'd have known you were here, I'd have sorted out my hair."

Julia laughed, looking back at the countless scraps of paper and starting to sift through them once more. Xiaoyu wandered into the kitchen and spent half an hour at the counter, glowering into her cereal bowl. She didn't want to subject Jules to her bad mood, after all, it would only make everyone feel awkward. So instead she sat there, listening to their enthusiastic conversation, and wishing that Jin would show some of that spark with her. She swallowed a mouthful of soggy cereal and rest her chin in her hands, staring into space, letting her eyes unfocus.

"Oh, damn." Julia sighed suddenly, "I forgot my folder."

"What folder?" Jin's voice.

"I have class this afternoon. Got some assignments to hand in. I thought I'd left them in my bag, but... I guess we'll have to cut this short, huh?"

"Hold on. Is this folder at your place? I'm sure Xiaoyu wouldn't mind picking it up for you."

Xiaoyu rolled her eyes, turning towards the doorway. _That's right, Jin. Don't ask me or anything._

"No, I'm sure she's got better things to do with her time." Julia replied, sounding a little disappointed, and Xiaoyu got off her chair, feeling a pang of guilt, and stuck her head around the doorway.

"Hey, I'll be the judge of that." she said. "It's no problem, Jules. I'll go get it."

"You're sure it's not a bother?"

"Sure. What's your address?"

Julia ripped a piece of paper out of her notebook and started to scribble, then stopped abruptly.

"Never mind." she mumbled.

"Why? What?"

"I just remembered, I took it with me when I went over to Hwoarang's the other day. It's probably at his place."

Xiaoyu's stomach lurched. Jin, who'd been busy reading from a file, looked up slowly, taking his glasses off.

"So what's the problem?"

Julia looked embarrassed.

"...What's his address?" Xiaoyu forced herself to ask.

"I can't ask you to go there. I know how you feel about him"

Xiaoyu could feel Jin's eyes on her, knew exactly what he was thinking. _Selfish. Immature._ She took a deep breath, wondering just how much she was going to regret this.

"I can tolerate him for a few minutes, Jules. Write me down his address."


	11. Release

_A/N: Another extra-long chapter for you guys, and just a forewarning, this one's a definite **M **rated chapter. You can't say I didn't tell you. ;) Let me know what you think, it's my first ever sex scene, so I'd love feedback on it._

**_Chapter 11: Release_**

* * *

Xiaoyu must have stood outside his apartment door for over five minutes before she got the courage to knock. She closed her eyes, hoping to God that he was out, or sleeping, and he wouldn't answer and then she could go back home, apologise to Julia, scowl at Jin, lock herself in the kitchen and eat her body weight in ice cream. But after a few tense moments, she heard movement, then the key turning in the lock, and the door opened. Hwoarang, as usual, looked sexy in a 'no I don't own a hairbrush' kind of way, and Xiaoyu mentally smacked herself for noticing. 

"What do _you _want?" he asked, blinking.

"Oh, that's really nice of you." Xiaoyu glared. "I'm here to get Julia's folder. Where is it?"

"What?"

"Julia's. Folder." Xiaoyu said slowly, clearly, as though she were talking to a little kid. "Do you have it?"

"How should I know?"

"Well, can you go look?" She forced herself to sound civil. "Please?"

Hwoarang rolled his eyes.

"You go look if it's so important. I'm busy."

"Doing what?" she cried. Like she needed any more reasons to be irritated today. He arched an eyebrow.

"Like it's any of your business." He turned, walking back into the apartment and lounging on the sofa. "But since you asked so nicely, you're interrupting my sitting-around-doing-nothing time."

"I'm _so_ sorry."

Xiaoyu stood in the doorway for a few moments, praying that he'd decide to just get the stupid folder so she didn't have to go inside. He flicked the television on and started channel surfing.

"Do you at least know where it might be?"

"Ask her."

"I don't have my phone." she said through her teeth. "Can I use yours?"

"No credit."

"Well, I guess I'll just have to go through all your stuff, won't I?" she said, saccharine sweet, and stepped into the kitchen.

"Guess you will." Hwoarang didn't look away from the television. Xiaoyu seethed. Why was he being so damned difficult? All he had to do was just help her find the binder and then she'd be done, and she'd get to go home and sulk. Instead, she was saddled with the task of finding what she wanted all by herself, with no clue where to start. She stuck her middle finger up at him. He dropped the remote on the sofa next to him and returned the gesture, eyes still fixed on the TV, and despite herself, she laughed a little.

"Please, Hwoarang. Give me a hint, here. I've got better things to do too, you know."

"Alright. I think it was in the bedroom when I saw it last."

Bedroom? She cast him a suspicious glance, but he still hadn't looked away from the TV. Crossing the room, Xiaoyu stopped at the open bedroom door, turning to look at him again. He wasn't watching her. Maybe the folder really _was_ in there. She stood for a moment, considering, then sighed, walking into the room. If he followed her she could always punch him, after all.

Surprisingly, it was pretty tidy. The bed was unmade and there was a ton of laundry piled up in a corner, but she wasn't really one to comment on that. Jin was always saying that she should make more of an effort to keep things neat since she was at home all day. On the floor, sticking out of a pile of magazines, was a red binder with a half visible label reading 'ments'. Xiaoyu knelt down and wrenched it out to take a closer look. Yep, 'assignments' was written in small, neat handwriting. Done.

Well, that wasn't so bad. She'd spent the entire taxi ride here with her heart in her mouth, and now she felt like she was worried over nothing. Yes, Hwoarang had been an asshole about telling her where the folder was, but as far as she could gather, that was typical. She didn't know how the hell Julia managed to put up with him. That woman must have the patience of a saint.

Straightening up, she hugged the folder to her chest and strode out of the bedroom. All she needed to do now was get out, thank all that was holy. Hwoarang had moved from the sofa and was now leaning against the countertop in the kitchen, watching her.

"Found it, then?" he asked, and there was that look again, and that 'I could be screwing you right now' smile that he seemed to have down to an art, and that always did weird things to her stomach. Xiaoyu clutched the folder tighter, biting her lip. She'd made a mistake. She'd let her guard down and held eye contact, and now she couldn't look away. Her breath quickened, and a faint tingling began to build up inside her.

Great. Just what she needed right now. The door seemed so far away all of a sudden.

"Yeah." she said, hearing the tremor in her voice and cringing. Now he'd know that he was having an effect on her. "So I'm going." Decisive. At least, it was supposed to sound that way. It ended up coming out in barely more than a whisper.

_Stop it. _

She longed to kiss him, but she didn't trust herself to know when to stop.

_You hate him, remember? _

Suddenly she was so much more aware of everything. Of the feel of her clothes against her skin, of how the breeze blowing through an open window kept catching her hair. Hwoarang seemed to be completely calm, but the way he was looking at her...

_Xiaoyu, leave._ She told herself sternly. _Move._

She dug her nails into the binder unconsciously, fashioning her expression as best she could into an impassive mask and taking a step backwards. _Jin._ She wouldn't allow herself to let anything happen again.

_But he'll never know…_

"I'm done here." She bit out. "I'm going."

He smiled. She didn't move.

"You said that already."

"This is the only folder she brought, right?"

Why was she prolonging the conversation? If it was the wrong folder, Julia would just have to come and get it herself. She was leaving. Right now. And hopefully she'd never have to come here again.

"I think so."

"Okay. Good. Okay." Xiaoyu turned and pulled the door handle. It didn't budge. Anger igniting inside her, she whirled around, glowering at Hwoarang.

"Why is it locked, you asshole?"

"It isn't locked."

"Yes it is!" she almost screamed, taking a few steps towards him and then thinking better of it.

He pushed away from the counter and strode towards her, trying to keep the smirk from his face as she backed away, one step, three steps, until her back touched the door and she couldn't go any further. Her eyes widened as it dawned on her that she was trapped – and that her heart was pounding with excitement at the idea. Hwoarang's hand pressed against the door just next to her shoulder to slide the bolt free with his thumb, and she didn't, couldn't resist when he lowered his mouth to hers.

_Just this one kiss._

Her eyes slid closed, and she melted against him, feeling his hand brush through her hair to curve around the back of her head, keeping her there. He didn't need to. She couldn't stop herself opening her mouth slightly to the kiss, and gave a small sigh as she felt the tip of his tongue gently run over her lower lip.

_No one has to find out._

Her hand came up to grip his shirt as his tongue found hers, teasing, exploring. Fingers curled in fabric, and she found herself moaning softly in protest as he pulled away.

"You wanted to leave, right?" he asked her, eyes fixed on her lips, still damp from their kiss. Xiaoyu nodded, she didn't trust herself to speak. Just one kiss, she'd told herself. It was over, now she was going.

"It's open now. Sorry about the bolt, it's habit."

She had to go. She couldn't stay. If she did, she didn't know what she'd end up letting him do to her. But that kiss...

Just like when he'd kissed her before, he'd sent her mind reeling, made her feel as though she'd been electrocuted, all her nerves tingling, and her body had reacted of its own accord. She could feel a faint twinge in the pit of her stomach, an ache between her thighs. No one, not even Jin, had ever made her feel like that just by kissing her. He had hardly touched her, so why...?

"Thanks." It was a whisper, her voice wouldn't cooperate enough to allow for anything else. Hwoarang's eyes never left hers.

"Unless you want to stay…"

Xiaoyu clutched Julia's folder to her chest and narrowed her eyes.

_I can't._

She swallowed hard, sucked in a breath.

"I'm going."

Fumbled for the doorhandle. Hwoarang moved backwards to give her space.

_But... do I really want to go home? _

Xiaoyu let her hand drop from the handle, let the folder slip from her grasp, found herself reaching for him again, desperate for the feel of his mouth on hers. It was only a kiss, she told herself. It didn't mean anything. But it had been so long since she'd been kissed that way. Jin was usually kissed her forehead these days, like she was a child, or he kissed her softly, cautiously. She craved more of Hwoarang's knowing kisses and even though she was dimly aware what she was risking, she needed more. Their tongues teased gently, and she lost herself in the heat of the kiss, pressing herself against him.

No. Now just the feel of his mouth wasn't enough. She needed him on her, inside her, needed it so much that it was almost painful. It wouldn't happen, she was sure of it. One of them would stop things going too far. She just needed to experience that passion, that feeling that anything could happen if she let it, if only for a little while. Hwoarang dragged his lips from her mouth and trailed them down her neck, and she closed her eyes, blocking out everything but the warmth of his mouth and his body. He slowly guided her away from the door.

_As long as it's just a kiss,_ Xiaoyu told herself dizzily as he moved back to claim her lips once more. Her hands itched to reach for his belt, to wander under his t-shirt, but she fought hard to restrain herself. She'd already betrayed Jin by kissing someone else; she couldn't let this go any further. But his body felt so _good _against hers. One hand slowly pushed the strap of her cami from her shoulder, running down the length of her arm and back up, and Xiaoyu couldn't fight against her need any more. Thoughts of Jin dissolved from her mind, and she groaned, deepening the kiss, exploring the heat of his mouth with her tongue. Hwoarang's hand worked the buttons of her top free, and she let it slip down her arms, feeling a pleasant shiver run through her as her bra went the same way. His hands lightly caressed her bare breasts as she kissed him desperately, clumsy fingers fumbling the buckle of his belt.

_This is wrong, Xiao._

She dragged his zip down, and he pulled his lips from hers, lifting her onto the kitchen counter. The tiles were cold against her back, and she shuddered as his hand slipped under her skirt, slowly making its way up to her thigh, higher, higher until he touched the fabric of her underwear.

_This can't happen._

And it was soon being pulled down her legs and discarded, the same way her other clothing had been. She couldn't deny it any longer. She knew she couldn't stop it, nor did she want to. Her fingers crept under Hwoarang's shirt to skate over his taut stomach, desperate to touch his bare skin, and she heard him suck in a breath as her hands slipped lower, stroking him with the lightest of caresses. He pulled her forward for a searing kiss, letting his hand wander higher from its place on her knee to dip between her thighs. She arched into his touch with an incoherent moan, her hands now clutching the edge of the countertop in an attempt to stop herself from toppling into his arms.

_No one has to know. It won't happen again. I just need this. Just once. I know it's wrong… but no one has to find out._

Then he was inside her, and through the warm haziness of passion, nothing mattered any more, not Jin, not Julia, nothing but the sensations she was feeling, the knot of pleasure that she could feel already starting to form within, building and building with each movement of their bodies. It had been far too long since she'd been together with someone like this, and words spilled out of her mouth of their own accord, not really making sense, but it didn't matter.

"That's it, oh God, you feel..."

Jin's smile.

"D-don't stop."

That tone of voice he used when she went too far.

_Just... like... that..._

His excuses...

_There._

His rejection.

_Fuck me._

She didn't know how long they moved together like this, didn't care. All she cared about was how good he felt inside her, how her toes were curling and her legs were starting to shake, how she didn't feel empty any more. Somewhere through her ecstasy she became aware of his movements becoming less and less rhythmic, his body shuddering, his breathing short. So he slowed until he was just gently rocking against her.

"Not yet." He said through his teeth. Heat flowed through her, then coiled inside, impatient for release, and the harsh gasps she hadn't been able to slow turned into breathy sighs, her whole body trembling now, her heart pounding.

Every gentle thrust pushed her that little bit higher, that little bit closer, not fast enough, but not too slow. She gave a soft groan, part pleasure, part frustration, and somewhere along the line, she heard herself say it; Fuck me, even though it was a word she never used, because nothing mattered any more and she needed him, and for the first time in months she felt like someone wanted her, needed her, needed to be inside her, and she felt dazed and giddy, overwhelmed by the sensations pulsing through her. Her legs wound around him tightly, trying to pull him even deeper inside her, and Hwoarang responded just how she'd hoped he would, stroking into her faster, not too much, just enough to make her shudder and draw more of those delicious moans from her.

"Please..." she breathed. He held onto the last thread of control desperately, but then Xiaoyu let her head fall back a little, words forming on her lips but not sounding. The sight of her, so vulnerable, so far gone, was all it took for him to lose it. He grabbed her hips tightly, thrusting hard into her, again, again, fire surging and growing within them both until at last she gave a choked groan and clutched handfuls of his t-shirt, gritting her teeth to keep from crying out. She couldn't prevent the low, long moan of pleasure escaping her throat as his last stroke into her finally pushed her over the edge, everything but that dazzling sensation of ecstasy falling away. Xiaoyu hardly noticed when he followed soon after, and though she was faintly aware of him collapsing against her, of wrapping her arms around him, she'd lost herself to the feeling as it rushed over her, through her, fingers to toes, and it was just as intense as she'd needed it to be.

A short while after they'd disentangled themselves, as she was buttoning up her top, her knees still a tad weak, reveling in the afterglow that still warmed her inside and out, and not yet thinking about the consequences of what had just happened, Xiaoyu heard a phone start ringing. Hwoarang zipped his jeans, turning and picking up his mobile from the table and flipping it open.

"Hey Jules." He greeted casually. "Huh? Xiaoyu?" He grinned. "Yeah. She just came."


	12. Consequence

_A/N: Wow, I'd just like to thank everyone who reviewed that last instalment I don't think I've ever had so many reviews for a single chapter before! I'm glad that you guys and girls thought it was worth reviewing, and I'm glad you liked that last line, haha. Yeah, the pun was intended. :) I'm sorry to keep you waiting with this one. I'll try to be quicker with the updating thing in the future._

* * *

**Chapter 12: Consequence**

* * *

Xiaoyu sat alone in a booth at one of her favourite diners, nervously waiting for Miharu to show up. They usually had lunch every other day, and since they'd met yesterday, Miharu would be shopping this dinnertime. Normally, Xiaoyu wouldn't have had the heart to interrupt her friend's shopping trip, but normally, Xiaoyu didn't have sex with her friends' boyfriends. She desperately needed someone to talk to, someone who she could trust to keep secrets, someone who'd be on her side.

When she'd left Hwoarang's apartment, Xiaoyu was still dazed and giddy, but as she sat in the taxi on her way back home it was as though she was waking from a dream, and what they'd done started to sink in. She'd actually felt the blood drain from her face as she thought about what this could do to the people she cared about, and the driver had glanced at her and asked if she had motion sickness. When they pulled up, she'd run into the house, quickly dropped off Julia's binder and shouted that she was going for lunch before anyone had chance to speak to her. She'd probably get home to a confused and questioning Jin, but right now, she couldn't bear to speak to either him or Julia, in case they somehow guessed what she'd done, or she burst into tears and ended up telling them, which she probably would if they showed any hint of kindness or concern towards her.

At the moment, all she could think of was how stupid she'd been, and how long she'd feel like this, like she was the most terrible person in the world. She felt so disappointed in herself, so angry. Her mind was screaming at her; 'How could you? How could you do that? What were you thinking?'

But at the same time, her selfish side was whispering how _good _it had been, and how much of a release, and how could it be an entirely bad thing if it had felt so damned great? Xiaoyu stared down at the sugar bowl on the table and tried not to think, and to ignore the horrible churning in her stomach. Great. Her own body was outraged at what she'd done.

It wasn't too long before Miharu clattered through the glass doors, laden down with shopping bags. She spotted Xiaoyu and waved, heading over to her and sliding into the booth at her side, shoving her various purchases under the table.

"Hey, this better be important!" she smiled. "I had to cut my retail therapy short because of you. There's a sale on, you know."

"I'm sorry." Xiaoyu mumbled, lowering her head even further than it was already. Miharu didn't seem to notice her friend's demeanour, and swung one of her jean-clad legs onto the table.

"New shoes." she said. "You like?"

"I have to tell you something."

"Okay." Miharu raised her eyebrows. "If you're ignoring my awesome pink heels, that I got at a thirty percent discount, I might add, then something big's going down." She sat properly, resting her elbows on the table. "Spill."

"...Mi, I'm such an idiot." Xiaoyu groaned.

"It took you this long to figure that out?"

"Funny."

"I try. Come on, carry on."

"I... I'm..." She hesitated, slowly twisting her engagement ring around her finger. "I had... I did something... And I know it was a really stupid thing to do, but I just... Oh God..." Tears stung her eyes. Why didn't she ever think before she did things?

"Xiaoyu, what is it?" Miharu put a hand on hers comfortingly. "You can tell me anything."

"But this is..." She shook her head. "This's something really..."

"Really?"

"...Stupid. And wrong. And I wish..." she swallowed hard. "I really wish..."

"Xiao, I only have a dinner _hour_ you know. You're gonna have to finish a sentence soon." Xiaoyu attempted a smile, knowing she was trying to lighten the mood.

"Please don't judge me if I tell you." she said softly.

"I won't."

"You will."

"Well, I'll try my best not to. I can see it's really getting you down." Miharu waved her hand encouragingly.

"Okay. This morning I... kinda... I had the...um..." She took a deep breath. "I did..." Nothing she said would make it sound better. She stared down at the tabletop, ashamed. "I mean, I let him... No... I..."

"Okay, I think we've established that you did something or had something, and that it happened this morning. Specifics, please?"

"Specifics?"

Xiaoyu covered her face, trying to force herself to put it into words somehow.

"The most amazing orgasm I've had in ages." She replied in a rush, her voice muffled by her hands. Okay, where had _that_ come from? That wasn't _quite_ how she'd wanted to put it.

Miharu was giggling.

"And this is a bad thing because...?"

"Because it... because it wasn't with Jin." Her hands moved back to the table, and she scrunched a paper napkin in her fingers.

"Well, indulging in a bit of self love is nothing to be ashamed of."

The people in the booth opposite glared, and Miharu flashed them an innocent smile.

"Well, it isn't."

"I wasn't by myself, Miharu." Xiaoyu hissed, twisting the napkin. Her friend froze, eyes wide in disbelief.

"You had sex with someone else?" she asked eventually. "I mean, someone not Jin?"

Xiaoyu nodded, tears welling in her eyes once more. Somehow Miharu saying it out loud made what she'd done all the more real.

"Oh, Xiao..."

"I don't know how it happened. I don't even like the guy, how could I have..." she trailed off, her throat tightening again. "I didn't mean for it to happen. It was just... I was so..."

"Why would you do something like that?" Miharu asked slowly. "Xiaoyu, it's _Jin!_ How could you do that to him?"

"Jin isn't perfect, believe me." Xiaoyu snapped. That wasn't the reaction she'd been hoping for from Miharu. But then, what did she expect?

"So that's your excuse?"

"No!" She tried to blink away the tears. "I'm not trying to make excuses! But... you know, things have been so _hard_ for me. Things with Jin just keep going wrong, and I don't know what to do anymore, Miharu, I don't know how to... I've been trying... but he just..."

"I know things between you guys haven't been too good," Miharu said, startled, "but you could have talked to me instead of..."

"I couldn't."

"Oh, come on! We talk about everything!"

"Not this!" Xiaoyu put her head in her hands. "I was hoping it would sort itself out but..." She felt Miharu's hand pat her shoulder.

"I'm so sorry." she said. "You don't need me freaking out right now. Tell me. Why not this?"

"Jin..." For a moment, Xiaoyu hesitated, trying to calm herself down. But she couldn't keep it to herself any longer. She needed to tell someone.

"Jin and I... we haven't had sex for nearly three months now." she mumbled. "And before that, we were only doing it about twice a month. I've tried to talk to him about it, but he just switches off. He says it's no big deal, that he's not interested in sex any more..."

"Oh, jeez, Xiao..."

"I just wanted... I wanted someone to..." She trailed off, sobbing. "And when Jin finds out... he hates being lied to and I... and oh God, Julia..."

"Julia...?" Miharu frowned. "So it was that guy? What was he called... Hwoarang?"

"I was only supposed to be running an errand." Xiaoyu said softly. "I could have just gone if I'd wanted. I had chance..."

"Trust you to get yourself into a mess like this." Miharu put a hand to her forehead, squeezing her eyes shut. "I remember when we went out that time and I left you two alone, you were being really weird when me and Julia came back. I should have known something'd happen eventually."

"Everything's _fucked_ up!" Xiaoyu moaned, clutching at her hair.

Again, the people in the opposite booth glared at them. They glowered right back.

"...Only if Jin finds out." Miharu told her. She pulled a couple of napkins out of the dispenser and handed them to her friend. "Dry your face. Okay. Damage control. This doesn't have to fuck things up. Me, you, and him are the only people who know, right?"

Xiaoyu nodded, wiping her nose.

"You think he'll tell anyone?"

"I don't know. I don't think so."

"Are you going to tell anyone?"

"No."

"And is it gonna happen again?"

"No."

"Okay. Then this whole thing never happened." said Miharu. "Now... maybe we'd better look into getting you a vibrator."

* * *

"Hey" 

Xiaoyu blinked sleepily, looking up into Jin's warm brown eyes. He smiled down at her, brushing a lock of hair from her face absently.

"Busy day?" he laughed, and she sat up, shaking her head.

"What are you doing back so early?"

"Early?" Jin repeated. "It's after midnight. Unless you were being sarcastic."

"You really think my mind's quick enough to handle sarcasm right now?"

He chuckled, ruffling her hair and then pulling her into his arms, stroking her back slowly. For a moment she just lay her head on his shoulder, listening to his breathing, and then the sleep cleared from her head, and everything came back to her in a rush. Kissing Hwoarang, the binder clattering to the floor, the feel of his hands on her bare skin, wrapping her legs around him and...

"I love you." Jin murmured into her hair.

_He loves you? He has no idea what a selfish, hateful girl you are. Would he love you if he knew?_

"I love you too."

_You're a liar. _

A wave of nausea swept over her, and she pulled out of Jin's embrace, staggering down the hall into the bathroom and falling to her knees, clutching the edges of the toilet bowl as she threw up. After a few moments, she felt her hair being pulled gently back out of her face, Jin's hand rubbing her back in slow circles. Tears streamed down her face, her chest heaving, and she could hear his voice, soothing, soft.

"Shh... you're okay."

_I'm not okay_. She thought, shuddering. _I'll never be okay now._


	13. Appearance

_**Chapter 13: Appearance**_

* * *

The mirror needed cleaning, Xiaoyu decided, studying the glass, the speckles of dust covering it, the fingerprints and smudges. When they'd first moved in, Jin had made it crystal clear that he hated that particular mirror, and every time he walked past it he'd look at it and grimace. Xiaoyu would watch him, amused, and innocently ask him what was the matter. She looked at it now, and she could finally see what he hated about it. It was cheap; it didn't belong with the beautiful decor of the living room.

_Or is that just you?_

She glared at her reflection, at her wide eyes and small lips that she'd got from her mother, at the way she looked like butter wouldn't melt in her mouth.

"_Oh, Xiaoyu's so adorable." _

"_Jin, she's perfect." _

"_Morning, angel." _

Angel? Perfect? Ha, they had no idea.

Last night she'd hardly slept at all. She had the dark circles under her eyes to prove it, and so did Jin, since she'd kept him up with all her fidgeting and tossing and turning. "Are you okay?" he'd whispered through the dark. "Do you still feel sick? Do you want some water?"She'd shook her head, moving closer to the edge of the mattress. "Maybe you're dehydrated."

"Yeah. That's probably it. I haven't had much to drink today."

How could she tell him that when he'd said, "I love you", her stomach had lurched and her throat had gone tight? That the real reason she'd thrown up was because she was so disgusted with herself? Every time Jin smiled at her, she felt sick with guilt. Miharu had told her to forget the whole thing, but how could she?

When Miharu had asked her if it was going to happen again, she'd automatically said 'no'. The worst part was that she wasn't sure whether it had been a lie. What had happened wasn't all Hwoarang's doing, no matter how much she wished it were. He'd given her the chance to leave, and she'd stayed.

The ringing phone broke her out of her thoughts, and she scowled one last time into the mirror before answering. Her mother greeted her, sounding entirely too cheerful for Xiaoyu to cope with.

"How are you, dear? Feeling better?"

"What?"

"Oh, I called earlier, but you were still in bed. Jin says you're sick, Xiaoyu." She sounded strangely happy about that fact.

"I'm better now."

"Hmm? Oh, I wouldn't dismiss it so quickly." Xiaoyu swapped the phone to her other ear. "You don't think you might be…"

"Might be what, mum?" she sighed, annoyed.

"Pregnant, of course!"

"No." she said flatly. "I was dehydrated, that's all. Plus, that's pretty much an impossibility."

"Why?"

"I'm on the Pill, mum."

"It's not a hundred percent effective though, is it?" Her mother singsonged.

"Oh, for God's sake give it a rest." Xiaoyu snapped. "I'm going." She slammed the phone back into the cradle, angry tears springing to her eyes. The calendar propped up on the shelf dropped to the floor at her feet, and she kicked it away. The last thing she needed right now was her rabid mother going on about babies. Her marriage was already disintegrating before her eyes. Bringing a kid into the picture wouldn't be the best idea. Plus, as she'd tried to tell her mother several times, she didn't _want_ to be a mum right now. She could barely take care of herself.

She knelt down and picked up the fallen calendar, flicking back to the right page and setting it on the shelf. A date circled in pink caught her eye. She'd written 'anniversary' and drew little hearts around it. It was last week.

Xiaoyu frowned, staring at the calendar. She checked the month quickly, checked her watch, confused. How had she forgotten? And why hadn't Jin said anything? He always did something nice for her, took her out somewhere. She remembered last year, they'd gone for dinner, then at home they'd lit candles and taken a bubble bath together (her idea), and afterwards they'd taken the candles into the bedroom and made love. And he'd whispered how much he loved her, kissed her softly, stroked her hair.

She looked at the date again. It had been last Tuesday. What had she done on Tuesday? If she remembered right, that was the day she and Miharu had gone to the movies. Jin had been at work until past twelve, and she'd spent the evening fuming about Hwoarang, reading magazines and watching the Comedy Channel. For a moment she felt angry, but she realized that she could hardly blame Jin, since she'd forgotten herself. And he _had_ been kinda stressed last week. No worries, she'd remind him tonight and then they'd go out somewhere.

* * *

"Never mind?" _'Never mind?' _She'd just jokingly brought up the subject of their forgotten anniversary, and that was what he had to say?

"Never mind."

Xiaoyu laughed, shaking her head. He had to be kidding.

"So where're we gonna go then?" she asked, leaning against the doorframe.

"For what?" Jin was in the study, searching through desk drawers as he spoke.

"For our belated anniversary dinner thingy."

He sighed. "But it isn't on the day is it?"

"Jin, _the day_ was last week."

"I'm sorry." He turned, and she could see the remorse on his face. "I can't believe I forgot."

"Hey, so did I." She smiled. "It's no problem."

"Hey, could you get Julia on the phone for me?"

Xiaoyu brushed off his request, sidling up and slipping her arms around his waist.

"Do you remember last year?" she asked softly. "We could do that again."

Jin put his hands over hers, and for a minute she thought he was going to agree, but he didn't. Instead, he took her hands from his waist and moved away, opening a drawer of the filing cabinet.

"I'm really sorry I forgot." He said distractedly as he flipped through binders full of documents. "You know how busy I've been, Xiao. I'll look for a present or something for you tomorrow."

"Fine." She'd said through her teeth. The pain of rejection was lessening these days. But still, it was the furthest thing from 'fine' as was possible. Normally, she'd have flown off the handle with him and started an argument, but she felt as though she had no right to be angry, considering what she'd done. Maybe tolerating his actions would help her to shake off some of the guilt. She just wished that she knew the reasons behind them. If they could just talk…

"Jin, can you just stop what you're doing for a minute?"

"What's up?"

"I don't want a present, Jin. I just want us to spend some time together."

"Xiao," he said impatiently. "I'm looking for something. The company's in the middle of something really big at the moment, you know that."

"I know." _Stay reasonable. _"I'm not asking you for a lot, Jin. Going for a meal doesn't take much effort, does it?"

"I wouldn't be good company at the moment anyway. I've got too much on my mind, Xiao."

"Let me help." She said gently.

"You can't."

"I can try…" The sound of the heavy binder being slammed onto the desktop made her jump.

"Xiaoyu, just leave it, okay?"

"I want to be more supportive of you."

"Then call Julia for me."

"Jin, I'm trying to –"

"Now's not a good time." He interrupted. "Where the hell is it?"

Xiaoyu's patience was wearing thin. She scowled at Jin's back, folding her arms.

"Look, could you just listen to me?"

Jin rifled through the binder on the desk, shaking his head.

"Later."

"No, now!"

She watched as Jin slowly straightened up, turned around.

"Why do you have be like this?" he asked. "You can see I'm doing something. You know, a year ago you wouldn't have pushed it, so why now?"

"Because a year ago I knew that there'd be a later."

"There'll be a later! We live together, for crying out loud!"

"Oh yeah, and that means such a lot to you, doesn't it?"

He glared at her.

"What's with the attitude?"

"I guess I've had time alone to develop it, what with you working so much."

"If I didn't work so much, you wouldn't have so much of my money to spend." Jin snapped.

Xiaoyu stepped back, feeling as though she'd been slapped.

"What did you just say?"

"I'm fed up of you always giving me the attitude these days, Xiao. Doesn't feel so good to be on the receiving end, does it?"

Anger simmered just below the surface, but she fought hard to keep it from creeping into her voice. So he wanted the old Xiaoyu back. The Xiaoyu who'd smile shyly and let him take care of her. Who'd never have a bad word to say to him. Could she even remember how to be that girl?

"I'll call Julia now." She said sadly, walking into the living room.

"Maybe it's in the other room." Jin muttered to himself as she picked up the phone, and she heard his footsteps on the stairs as she tapped in Julia's number.

* * *

He wanted to see her again. He wanted to see her, and make her mad, and see her eyes narrow and her lips purse, and watch her expression as her mind raced for a scathing comeback. Yeah, yesterday she'd run back to Kazama and her perfect life, and in the future, if she wasn't one of those irritating types who couldn't deal with their guilt and had to confess stuff to make themselves feel better, they'd maybe have a kid and buy a dog. And that'd be fine with him. He didn't want an relationship with her. He just wanted to have sex with her.

Hwoarang wondered if it was because of that quick temper of hers. He loved to see her get pissed off, and he loved that he was able to piss her off. Julia, oh, he'd tried, but he'd not managed to get a rise out of her yet. She'd either ignore him, or she'd tell him to stop being obnoxious, in a tone that was a tad too maternal. He really thought a lot about Julia, but of all the girls he'd been with before, it was those who'd have a good argument with him that he stayed with the longest. He didn't like calm, calm equalled boredom. When he was with girls that would argue and lose their temper, they'd fight and fuck and maybe even hurt each other a little during the fucking, just enough to be able to blame it on the heat of the moment, and he'd be satisfied. When he was with girls that wouldn't argue, he got bored, and then they ended up pissing him off because they were so placid and he just wanted them to show a little bit of annoyance instead of trying to please him and make themselves perfect for him, because he wasn't all that great.

He knew his outlook on relationships was unhealthy. He watched daytime television.

But he needed to see her. Was it because she was Kazama's girl – no, Kazama's wife? Back in the third tournament, he'd seen Jin as a rival, and even though since then he'd moved on from that, fucking Xiaoyu should have been a nice little way to gain closure. After all, how could he possibly top that? But no, when he thought about it, that wasn't the reason he wanted to see her again. It was something about _her_, not about closure, or rivalries, or even the sex. Well, not _completely_ about the sex at least.

Julia's phone vibrated on the coffee table.

* * *

"Hello?"

Xiaoyu immediately stabbed the 'end call' button, her heart hammering. She replaced the receiver shakily, and it started ringing, making her jump and then stare at it, wide eyed.

"Xiao, could you get that?" Jin yelled after the fourth ring. "I'm looking for something."

She took a deep breath, closed her eyes for a few seconds. Another two rings.

"Xiao? Did you hear me?"

She picked it up.

"H-hello?"

"Why'd you hang up?" Hwoarang asked, a smile in his voice.

"What? My… uh… my finger slipped."

"Sure it did."

She scowled.

"What are you doing answering the phone anyway?"

"If you want Jules, you just missed her."

"Well tell her to call when you see her next." Xiaoyu said quickly. "I've gotta go."

"Wait a minute. I feel like talking."

"Well I don't."

"And why not?"

"Because I hate you." She snarled.

"Really? You've got a weird way of showing it then."

She decided not to dignify that remark with a response. The sound of drawers being opened and slammed shut reached her ears. God only knew what Jin was looking for up there.

"Listen, could we talk a minute?"

"I've got nothing to say to you."

"Well then, how about I come over?"

Xiaoyu nearly dropped the phone.

"How about no?"

"Okay, well why don't you come round here?" She could almost see the smirk on his face.

"What do you want?" Her breathing was quickening already. He wasn't even in the room, what was her problem?

"It's probably best not to say right now. You never know who could be listening."

_There's an extension phone in Jin's study,_ she thought with sudden panic. No. He was still slamming drawers, after all.

"You really wanna talk?" Xiaoyu snapped. "I'll meet you tomorrow. You know the fountains on the high street?"

"Yeah."

"I'll be there at about eleven. Don't you _dare_ come over here."

She hung up before he could answer. Jin was still rummaging around upstairs, and she sank onto the sofa, suddenly exhausted. What the hell did Hwoarang want to talk to her for? At least she'd made him meet her somewhere public. There'd be no danger of a repeat performance at eleven in the morning on a Monday, in the middle of sale season.

_There shouldn't be danger of a repeat performance no matter where you are._

Xiaoyu put her head in her hands. Maybe there shouldn't be, but she wasn't that naïve.

Being around him seemed to remove all her common sense. As her mother was fond of saying, it was better to be safe than sorry. Though it was a little too late to be thinking like that.


	14. Resolve

A/N: Thanks for the reviews for the last chapter, here's an extra-extra long instalment (to me, at least!) for you.

* * *

**_Chapter 14: Resolve_**

Xiaoyu had to admit she was a tad confused about Jin's mixed signals towards her. One minute he was waking her up and telling her he loved her, holding her hair back when she was sick, worrying over her, and the next minute, he was losing his temper with her, which was a real rarity with him. She could count on one hand the number of times he'd ever raised his voice towards her. Maybe she hadn't chosen the best time to bring up the anniversary, but his reaction was still unexpected.

"I couldn't get hold of Julia," she said quietly, walking past the study doorway. "I left a message."

Jin gave a 'hmm' in response, absorbed in studying the first page of a thick file. When he eventually came to bed, Xiaoyu was snuggled down in the duvet. He leaned over her, watching her sleeping face.

"You're not the only one who wants things to be like they were before." He whispered.

She didn't open her eyes, but Xiaoyu had heard him. That night, she thought on what he might have meant by that, and how she could give him what he wanted. She thought back to what he'd said earlier, how he was sick of her attitude. She knew that she could be unreasonable and irritable, but...

Now that she reflected on it, back when they'd first got married, she'd been different. She remembered what he'd said to her such a long time ago, before he'd proposed, that she was so sweet, so kind and friendly, always thinking of others, always smiling. That he hoped she'd always be like that, because he loved those things about her. If she could just be that Xiaoyu again, maybe things would work out. This argumentative, assertive, forward Xiaoyu had been below the surface for a long time, and it wasn't until recently that she'd let it shine through. So Jin didn't like that part of her. No problem. She'd hide it again.

Perhaps then, Xiaoyu thought, the reason behind his mixed signals was because when she was ill, he could take care of her. Jin would always wake her up by stroking her hair or her face when she fell asleep on the couch. When she was sleeping she probably looked helpless. Maybe that was what he really needed. A girl who was vulnerable, who he could take care of, who'd be happy with that. She used to be that sort of girl. She could be that way again. It'd be easy.

If it would make things better, she'd do it.

* * *

At 10.30 the next morning, Xiaoyu stumbled out of bed, hair sticking up everywhere, head fuzzy with sleep. She did her makeup, then snatched up a brush and ran it through her hair, ripping out tangles and scowling at herself for feeling the need to put on makeup when she was only dragging herself to the town centre to find out what the hell Hwoarang wanted to talk to her about. The only reason she was going was because she didn't want him to turn up on her doorstep and have all the neighbours talking about her. Xiaoyu didn't really talk much to them, occasionally she'd wave hello, but she knew that everyone loved a bit of a gossip. She couldn't imagine dealing with something like that getting back to Jin. He knew how much she hated Hwoarang, she'd bitched about him enough.

When she arrived on the high street, fifteen minutes late, rushing over to the fountain in her high heels, Hwoarang was nowhere to be seen. She looked around, left, right, narrowed her eyes and sat down on the low wall in front of the water. Around her, people laden down with shopping bags milled about, and she watched them longingly, wishing that she were just here to buy stuff. She remembered Jin's swipe at her about spending his money and closed her eyes for a second, upset. She had to change for him.

"Hey, what're you doing?"

Xiaoyu hopped off the wall, rolling her eyes.

"Waiting for someone who has no concept of timekeeping." She sniped. Hwoarang shrugged.

"Sorry. I just got up."

"I can tell." She folded her arms. "What do you want anyway?"

He sighed, scratching the back of his head.

"I guess... I wanted to apologise."

"And you couldn't have done that over the phone?"

"Wanted to see you."

"Why?"

"I just did."

Xiaoyu glowered at him. There she was, thinking he'd got a genuine reason for having her come down here, and this was what he came out with? Just wanted to see her? Yeah, so he could make sure she didn't forget what had happened, make her feel even worse about sneaking around behind Jin's back, she thought bitterly.

"Well, you've seen me." She hissed. "Bye."

"Hold on." He caught her wrist, and she stopped straight away, her face burning. Just that little touch of skin on skin made memories flash through her head. His hands on her hips, clutching the edge of the countertop as pleasure coursed through her.

"Don't touch me."

Xiaoyu started to pull her arm free, but the sight of a vaguely familiar face in the crowd ahead made her blood ice over, and she froze, blinked, hoped there was even the tiniest possibility she'd been wrong. A woman with curly black hair and a wide smile, her arm linked with a blonde companion, was walking on the other side of the street in her direction. Jin's secretary, probably on her lunch break. She spun back around immediately, dragging Hwoarang along with her as she strode away, hoping to God the girl hadn't seen her.

"What's going – "

"This way." She said hurriedly, heading over to the entrance of a large department store, fighting her way through the crowds of people spilling out onto the sidewalk.

"Welcome, would you like a free sample of our latest product?" The salesgirl at the door flashed a sunny smile and held out a tiny bottle of hand lotion. "It's fully suitable for sensitive skin, not tested on animals, and –"

"Thanks." Xiaoyu interrupted, snatching the bottle. "I'm in a bit of a hurry."

"What's up?" Hwoarang asked as he followed her through the shelves of pottery and tableware.

"Shut up. Did she see us? Can you see her?"

"What?"

"Jin's..." she shook her head, staring back towards the entrance. "Why the hell did she have to be here?"

"What?" he asked again, bewildered, and she clutched his arm. The secretary, now alone, was walking through the revolving doors.

"There!" she hissed. "She must have seen me! God, where do we..."

"What's the problem, just say we bumped into each other."

Xiaoyu shook her head, looked around desperately for an exit. All she could see were rows of lamps and ornaments. The girl with the lotion samples had stopped her, but that still didn't give them long.

"She'll make it into something it's not, she'll tell Jin! He knows I wouldn't be walking around with you!"

Hwoarang raised an eyebrow, looking around.

"Whatever. Okay, there." He pointed to a photo booth she and Miharu had once gone into to have print club pictures taken.

"You've got to be kidding."

"She's walking this way. You got a better idea?"

That was all it took for Xiaoyu to panic, dragging him into the booth with her and wrenching the curtain closed. There was hardly any room to move at all inside, and Hwoarang's long legs didn't help make things any roomier. When she stood up, her face was visible over the curtain rail. She tried to manoeuvre herself into a comfortable position until Hwoarang got fed up with watching her awkward attempts and grabbed her by the waist, pulling her down onto his lap.

"What the hell are you doing?" she squeaked.

"Sh. Just sit down and be quiet. It won't be long."

Their image was reflected on the screen in front of her, grainy and washed out, and Xiaoyu watched Hwoarang put his hands behind his head, entirely too relaxed for her liking.

She turned and focused on the curtain, anything to block out the images her mind was recalling of being in Hwoarang's apartment, letting her bra slide down her arms and fall to the floor, joining the yellow camisole she'd been wearing. The bright lights of the store made it slightly see-through, and she could see the silhouettes of people walking about nearby, carrying bags and baskets. After a few moments, she dared a glance out into the shop. The secretary was now studying a table lamp on one of the shelves close by. It shouldn't be long now before she'd move on and they could sneak out.

"Hey, Junko!"

A guy with messy black hair approached her, and the secretary smiled, opening her arms for a hug.

"It's been a while!"

_No, please, don't tell me they're gonna…_

After they pulled away, Junko set down her bags at her feet, and so did her friend, asking "What's new with you?" Xiaoyu's heart sank.

"How long have you got?" Junko laughed.

Xiaoyu let go of the curtain, defeated, and stared back at the screen, wondering how the hell she managed to get herself into these types of situations. Oh, she'd thought her idea of meeting in public was so damned smart, hadn't she?

"You couldn't have just gone upstairs or something? You had to drag me in here." She growled, pulling the hem of her skirt down self-consciously. The diamante on her shoes glittered up at her. She remembered the feel of Hwoarang's mouth on hers.

"You wanna get out?" he laughed, starting to pull the curtain open. Xiaoyu grabbed his arm angrily.

"Oh yeah, this is so funny isn't it? If it was one of Julia's friends standing outside I doubt you'd be laughing."

"I'm sorry." He still sounded amused.

"Yeah, I'm so sure you are."

"Really." He took his hand from the curtain with a sigh. "Since we're stuck here for now, I might as well finish apologising. So. I should've stopped, is what I was going to say. I went too far, and I'm sorry. I feel like a bastard when Jules looks at me, so God knows how bad you feel."

"You_ are_ a bastard."

"Hey, I'm trying to apologise here…"

"I know." Xiaoyu muttered. "It's not all you though, is it? I could've gone home. We're both to blame, no matter how much I wish it was all your fault."

"Well, I'm sorry anyway." He leaned back, seemingly speaking more to himself than her. "I'm sorry you're married."

"Shouldn't that be 'I'm sorry I had sex with you'?"

"I'm not sorry about _that_."

"Well you should be." She retorted, glaring at his reflection on the screen.

"Why?" he asked with a grin. "It was good, wasn't it?"

"That's not the point!" she hissed, trying to keep as quiet as possible. "Just check if she's gone, will you?"

She folded her arms, ignoring how her stomach was fluttering as Hwoarang risked a look around the curtain. She was _not_ getting turned on by the situation. Not in the slightest. Junko hadn't moved, chatting animatedly with her friend.

"No, she's still there."

"Oh for the love of..." This was torture, she thought, agitated. Okay, it _was_ a turn on, but torture all the same. She was only feeling like this because the conversation had turned to sex, and memories of their little encounter refused to get the hell out of her head.

"Would you stop moving?" Hwoarang asked her. "Not that I'm not enjoying it, but..."

Xiaoyu stilled, wishing there was more room in the stupid photo booth. It wasn't helping that there was that familiar tingling sensation zipping through her body. It had actually been there since Hwoarang had walked over to her at the fountain, but now they had a moment of silence, and she wasn't so distracted, it had intensified so much that she couldn't ignore it any more. And it definitely wasn't helping that she knew without a doubt that the same thing was happening to him. She was sitting on his lap, after all. They were quiet for a few moments more, and then Hwoarang's eyes met hers reflected on the screen. She could see it; something that hadn't been there a minute ago, something that darkened his gaze and made her heart beat faster.

"So it _was_ good, then?" She could feel his breath, warm against her neck, and silently pleaded with herself to stay in control. As if in answer, she remembered heated kisses and an ache inside, the cold kitchen tiles, his hand sliding up her thigh.

"Don't." She breathed, and his hands slowly slipped around her waist, as if he knew what she was thinking, knew she wouldn't pull away.

"Don't what?"

Her body was now sensitive to the point where just the feel of his mouth on the nape of her neck was enough to make her breath catch in her throat and send little shudders of pleasure through her.

"I can't... I don't trust myself..."

"You came pretty hard last time." He whispered, his lips brushing her shoulder, and she shivered.

"Don't talk about it."

"We don't have to talk." He kissed her neck gently, tasting the warmth of her skin with his tongue, and Xiaoyu barely suppressed a whimper.

She leaned back against his chest, closing her eyes as his hair spilled over her shoulder in a soft caress. She couldn't resist any more. Yes, it _was_ wrong, and she _was_ selfish, and a liar, and unfaithful, but somehow, being with him like this made all of that immaterial. Just like last time. It was strange; she found him immensely irritating, but her mood changed so quickly when he touched her. And that smile, that knowing expression that just made her want to tear her clothes off... He made her want to do things that would never usually even have entered her head.

She could say with absolute certainty that if this were Jin with her, in this same situation, nothing like this would be happening. Not even if it were still the early months of their marriage when he actually _showed_ her that he found her attractive. But she'd get those days back.

_Just this last time, and then I'll be like I used to be._

Hwoarang's hands slid under her top, and she forced herself to open her eyes, to stay in control. She wouldn't just submit this time. She turned her head to capture his lips with hers in a fierce kiss, let herself just focus on her feelings for a few moments, how arousing it was to know that she had to stay quiet despite what his touch was doing to her, that on the other side of the curtain there were people happily browsing the shop.

Then she broke the kiss, breathing hard and fast, turning herself around so they were face to face, her legs falling either side of him.

"This's your cue to make me stop." She whispered, leaning in close. "Remember? You just said you were sorry about it, that you should've stopped."

He responded by kissing her breathless, giving a soft groan as she pressed her hips to his, tangling her fingers in his hair. Jin would never approve of her acting this way with him. Submissive, kind, a little shy. That was what he wanted. If she was going to become that girl again, didn't she deserve one last chance at being the one in control? Xiaoyu kissed Hwoarang harder, running her tongue over his lower lip.

_I'll be the Xiaoyu that Jin wants me to be, that he loves. Just this last time, and then I'll change. I'll be sweet, passive seventeen again… I promise, Jin._

Her thoughts spiralling into nothingness, she stilled her movements and reached between them, working the button of Hwoarang's jeans free with one hand. She suddenly, urgently needed to see pleasure on his face, pleasure that she'd caused, that she could just as easily take away if she wanted to. An idea falling into her head, she reached into her bag for the lotion sample that had been forced upon her and rubbed some between her palms.

"What the hell?" Hwoarang asked. "Do you _really_ need to try that right now?"

Xiaoyu smiled, answering him with another kiss, unzipping his jeans. Her slim fingers wound around him and he pulled his lips from hers, opened his eyes to stare at her.

"What…"

Xiaoyu began stroking him gently, up and down in one smooth motion, gazing right back.

"Something wrong?" she murmured, watching his face with satisfaction as he shook his head in response, mouth slightly open as though he was too surprised to speak.

_The guy who has an answer for everything. _She thought with a gratified smile, her hand moving over him slowly. Another caress, a featherlight sweep of her thumb over the tip, and he pulled away to lean fully against the wall of the booth, eyes closed, whispered something she didn't quite hear.

_There. _

She was the one with the power now. Her grip tightened a little, the lotion helping her hand slide easily over him with every stroke.

Hwoarang hadn't expected this at all. He was already furiously aroused, had been from the minute he'd pulled her onto his lap, and right now he wasn't sure he could last much longer, even though she'd only just started. Every sure, languid movement sent his mind spinning, and he pushed into her hand, needing more of that warm, delicious friction. He clenched his jaw as she responded to his actions by speeding up, his heart racing until he could almost hear it. They shouldn't be doing this here.

_We shouldn't be doing this at all_, he thought, _but fuck, it feels good_.

Xiaoyu smiled, running her fingertips up and over and back down, and he clutched handfuls of her skirt, desperate for something to hold onto, anything to help him keep a grip on himself a little longer. She stopped her movements, still smiling, loving the fact that she could choose whether to allow him that release he was so close to. Ever since the first spark between them, Hwoarang had been the one who held all the cards. It was nice to be in charge for once.

She watched him as he breathed hard, eyes still closed, and started again, slowly, wanting to keep him on the edge for as long as she could. Hwoarang bit his lip, trying to hold on, and he heard her chuckle softly, giving him a gentle squeeze, the sensation making his hips jerk despite his best efforts to keep still.

"Xiao, w-wait..." he gasped. "God, if I come I'll...mnh..."

She silenced him by leaning forward and kissing him, her tongue sliding over his, teasingly matching the rhythm of the hand wrapped tightly around him.

_Ohfuckpleasealittlebitlonger…_

Then all that mattered was the intense pleasure surging through him like liquid fire. Xiaoyu watched his face as he came, how his mouth tried to form words, how he fought to keep quiet, how his breath came out in a long shudder, his eyes shut tight. The sight was almost enough to send her over the edge with him. She stayed where she was, gazing at him as he slowly came back to himself, breathing unsteadily, exhaustedly. Hwoarang opened his eyes, speechless, and looked at her for a long moment, then down at himself with a grimace.

"Y'know," he said, voice still shaky. "This t-shirt was clean on."

Xiaoyu laughed, reaching for her bag and offering him a small packet of Kleenex.

"Wanna tissue?"

* * *

A/N the 2nd: Umm... again, this is one of those chapters I was uncertain about putting up, 'cause I wasn't sure whether the M rated scene was okay. But hey, you guys and girls thought the other one was okay, so I figured I'd be brave. Please click the little review button if you've got some spare time and tell me how I did, concrit is more than welcome! 


	15. Facade

_**Chapter 15: Facade**_

* * *

When Jin returned home that evening, Xiaoyu was listening to the radio, humming along with the song playing, her hair pulled into pigtails for the first time in a long while. She smiled at him as he walked in, pulling at his tie and scowling.

"Hey!" she greeted him happily. "Did you have a good day?"

Jin looked a little taken aback. She guessed that if anything he'd figured she'd still be mad at him about the anniversary, and the argument they'd had. He'd probably fully expected her to give him the silent treatment, so to see her smiling _would_ be a tad disconcerting…

"Uh, hey." He smiled warily. "You okay?"

"I'm fine. Did you have anything to eat yet? I can make you something if you want."

"Okay, thanks."

Xiaoyu nodded once. Great!"

"Xiao, what's this all about?" Jin asked, following her into the kitchen. He probably thought it was some kind of passive aggressive mind game. She turned, the smile still in place, brushing her hair out of her eyes.

"It's kind of a way to say I'm sorry."

He sighed. "About yesterday? I'm sorry too."

"Not just about yesterday." Xiaoyu shook her head. "About how I've been acting. I won't do it any more, I promise. My head's been a mess, and I shouldn't have taken it out on you…" She turned away quickly, terrified that he'd somehow be able to guess what she'd done by the look on her face, and trailed off as she walked over to the fridge.

"I think there's some stir fry stuff in here somewhere, is that okay?"

"Xiao…about yesterday…"

_No. That's over. I'm not like that anymore. I promise._

"Let's just forget all that stuff, Jin. Things'll be different from now on."

And they were. For the next month, Xiaoyu did her best to turn herself back into the innocent girl she'd been three years ago. She knew she was anything but innocent. She knew she didn't deserve Jin, didn't deserve to have the life she did with him, didn't deserve anything at all. She didn't know what had possessed her that day in the print club booth… but…

_No. _

That was another lie.

She knew_ exactly_ what had possessed her. At least the time in Hwoarang's apartment she kind of had an excuse for what she did, what with how damned frustrated she'd been. The second time, she had no excuse. She hadn't _needed_ to do what she did. She'd just _wanted _to, and that had scared her more than the first time.

Every day since then she'd got up in the morning and pulled her hair into neat pigtails, spent the day doing stereotypical domestic, wifey things like dusting and tidying and attempting to make something edible, trying to somehow make up for what she'd done. Her last batch of cookies had only served to give her something else to make up for though. Jin just laughed and told her that she should take up a different pastime. She noticed though, to her delight, that he had started being more affectionate with her again.

* * *

"How're you doing then?" Miharu asked Xiaoyu over lunch that Friday. She munched on a forkful of salad, watching Xiaoyu flick through her glossy magazine.

"Good. Things're good."

"And what about that thing that didn't happen?" Xiaoyu felt her stomach twist with familiar guilt, looked down, took a sip of water. "It hasn't not-happened again, has it?"

"No, it hasn't."

"Are you sure?"

"I think I'd _know_ if it happened again, Miharu."

"Just asking."

She turned a page of the magazine.

"Well don't. It's pretty hard to forget about it when you keep reminding me."

Miharu smiled, pulling the magazine from Xiaoyu.

"Hey, I haven't even read this yet. Buy your own."

"Oh, hey. Apparently that hot guy from that film you wanted to go see just got married."

"What? No way!"

Miharu flipped through the magazine as Xiaoyu stretched languidly, letting out a yawn.

"Not getting much sleep, hon?"

Xiaoyu shook her head.

"I slept great. I don't know what's wrong with me, I've just started feeling really tired all the time."

Miharu gave her a dubious look.

"Have things got better with you and Jin, then?"

Xiaoyu nodded, playing with her straw. It had been a month, and things had definitely improved. Just yesterday, Jin had sat down on the sofa next to her and pulled her against him while they watched television. She'd leaned her head on his shoulder as he stroked her hair, and then he'd slipped a hand under her chin and kissed her. Not a swift peck, like he would have done usually, but a deep, gentle kiss that lasted for ages. They hadn't gone any further, but that kiss was enough to convince her that she'd been right in deciding to change.

"They're a lot better."

"Good." Miharu glanced at her watch and rolled her eyes. "Damn. I'm sure that was nowhere near an hour."

Xiaoyu stood up, giving her a quick hug.

"I'll see you later."

"There's a new place opening tonight, if you wanna come."

"I can't." Xiaoyu shook her head. "I wanna be home when Jin gets in."

"Come on. I'm sure he won't mind you not being there this one time."

"We can go out another time."

"Right. Sure. Unless you wanna be home when Jin gets in, right?" Miharu sighed, pulling on her jacket.

"Miharu, you know I'm trying to sort things out…"

"I know. I'm sorry. It's just… don't get all boring on me, okay?"

"I won't."

* * *

When the taxi pulled up outside her house, Xiaoyu was surprised to see Jin's car parked on the driveway. She paid the driver, walking down the path with a confused frown. Was he working from home? As far as she could remember, he hadn't mentioned coming home early today.

"Jin?" she called as she closed the front door.

"Hey, I'm upstairs."

"Are you working from here again?"

There was a long pause, and she slipped her shoes off and put them in the rack, wiggling her aching toes.

"No, I'm not working…"

"So what're you doing here?" she asked, starting upstairs.

"I was sleeping."

Xiaoyu leaned around the bedroom door, and there he was, sitting on the bed, glasses still on, shirt crumpled and his hair out of place. Jin smiled at her, and it was that smile she loved to see, that smile she hadn't seen in months.

"You got fired, didn't you?" she joked, and he stood up, walked over to her and put his arms around her waist.

"You haven't got anything planned soon, have you?" he asked, with that smooth, suggestive tone of voice he hadn't used for ages. She wanted to kiss him, but she stopped herself.

_Remember, you're supposed to be innocent. Think you can handle that?_

"Not today, no." she answered lightly, as if she had no idea what he was insinuating. He smiled, leaned into her, brushing her lips with his, once, twice, then finally he kissed her. She stood helpless in his arms, concentrating on the kiss and the sheer sense of relief that was washing over her, relief and happiness and dull guilt all in one. Unconsciously, her arms wound around his neck, but she was sure not to embrace him too tightly, not wanting to seem too forceful, too much like the other Xiaoyu.

Jin gently kissed a path down her neck, then took her hand and pulled her towards the bed. He slowly laid her back on the mattress, hands undoing her buttons and pulling her clothes off and stroking her skin. She wanted to reach for him, tug his shirt off, run her hands over him.

"I missed you." He whispered, slipping off her underwear to leave her naked below him. His lips moved over hers, hands exploring her body, the curve of her waist, hips, thighs.

"What do you mean?" Xiaoyu asked, trying to lose herself in the moment, to let her mind and thoughts scatter until Jin was all that existed.

"I mean…" he kissed her harder, fumbling with the zipper on his black trousers, "I missed this…"

She parted her legs for him, giving a small gasp as he slid inside her, closing her eyes and biting her lip as he started to move.

She'd been right. This was what he wanted.

_So why does it feel like yet another lie? _

"Xiao…" he breathed, burying his face in her shoulder.

_Why does it feel like… _

She opened her eyes, staring blindly at the ceiling.

_Why does it feel like it's make-believe?_

Even as the pleasure started to build up, so did her doubts and fears.

_Don't think. Just close your eyes again, enjoy what's happening - wait - don't wrap your legs around him, you're not supposed to be the dominant one right now…_

"I love you."

He didn't love her. The realization stabbed at her heart, and she gave a soft cry.

He loved her when she was like this. He didn't love who she'd become.

_Stop it. You're not going to start crying. There's no reason to cry. He does love you. Not all of you, maybe, but still… He loves you._

Xiaoyu could feel the tears welling, the strange mix of physical pleasure and emotional pain as Jin trailed little kisses down her throat. She closed her eyes so he wouldn't see the sadness there, but she knew that wouldn't stop the crying.

_Don't do it._ Her mind begged. _Don't think about it, just be happy that this is happening. This is what you've wanted for too long, don't destroy this moment. _

Tears slipped from her eyes even as she tried desperately to will them away, and she felt Jin's arms tighten around her, his movements stopping.

"Are you alright?" he asked gently. "Did I… I didn't hurt you, did I?"

_Because you're so fragile, right?_

She reached up and stroked her fingers over his lips.

"No. I'm just…" she did her best not to let her voice betray how she felt inside. "Happy. I'm so happy we're together like this."

_Right. You're so happy and carefree and cheerful and innocent and…_

Jin kissed her fingertips.

"Me too. I'm glad things're normal again."

_Stay like this for him. As long as Jin's happy, then…_

He leaned down, capturing her lips in a slow, soft kiss. "I missed you when things were a mess. It feels like you're my Xiao again. Don't ever change."

Xiaoyu felt her heart crack, even as she smiled up at him.


	16. Failure

_A/N: Sorry for the wait with this chapter, I've been busy with university assignments and boring stuff like that. Thanks, as always, to everyone who reviewed, I adore you guys and girls. Over a hundred reviews now! That's fantastic!_

_**Chapter 16: Failure**_

* * *

Xiaoyu sat at the kitchen table, eating her cereal, staring down into the bowl absently. She'd shoved what had happened a few nights ago to the back of her mind, buried it under smiles and silly conversation. Jin hadn't brought it up, so he must have believed her when she'd lied that she was happy. He always believed her.

If she just didn't think about it, it would go away. It wouldn't happen next time. Next time, it'd be perfect. Next time, she'd wake up with a smile and thank her lucky stars that she was in a loving, happy relationship. That she didn't need to look for her soulmate in smoky bars or university lectures, because she already had him.

Standing up, she left the cereal where it was and went into the lounge. The phone was ringing.

_Please don't let it be mum. _

Xiaoyu glanced at the caller display. She didn't recognise the number. Probably someone trying to sell her electricity or windows or something.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Xiaoyu."

Her grip on the handset tightened.

"Oh, hi Julia. You okay?"

"Huh? Oh... yeah, fine. Listen, could you give Jin a message for me?"

"Sure."

Julia was being a little abrupt with her, Xiaoyu noticed, her breath quickening. Could she have found out about...

"Could you just ask him if he could call me and let me know whether we're supposed to be going to Arizona this weekend or next?"

"A-Arizona?" Xiaoyu stuttered.

"Yeah... He mentioned it, right?" She sounded worried, like she'd let something slip that she wasn't supposed to.

"Oh, yeah, I remember." Xiaoyu said hurriedly. "I can't remember what date he said though. I'll tell him to call you when he gets home, okay?"

"Thanks Xiao. I gotta go, my lecture's starting in a couple of minutes. See you later hon."

At least she'd got a 'hon'. Maybe Julia didn't know anything about _that_ after all. She hung up, and Xiaoyu stared dubiously at the receiver for a moment. Jin hadn't said anything about Arizona at all. Must be something to do with the reforestation thing. But if that was the case, why hadn't he mentioned it to her? They were talking a lot more these days, but he hadn't said a word about any business trips coming up. She tapped in Jin's office number, frowning.

"Good morning, Mishima Corporation Head Office, Junko speaking, how may I help?"

"Uh, hi. Is Jin... um... Mr. Kazama available?"

"One moment. Who should I say's calling?"

"It's Xiaoyu."

"Oh!" Junko cried. "Mrs. Kazama, I didn't recognise your voice. My apologies. I'll just put you through."

She transferred the call before Xiaoyu had time to assure her that she didn't need to apologise.

"What's up, Xiaoyu?" Jin answered on the second ring.

"Oh, it's just... Julia called. I didn't know you were going to Arizona."

There was silence on the other end for a few moments.

"So I thought I'd just ring to see when you were going." she carried on awkwardly.

"Saturday." he answered. Xiaoyu took a breath, forcing herself to stay calm. She could feel the indignation welling in her chest, and pressed her lips together. Getting angry wouldn't do her any good. Besides, this Xiaoyu didn't get angry. This Xiaoyu was understanding.

"I was gonna tell you tonight." Jin continued.

_'Tonight?'_ She wanted to repeat_. 'What a great plan. Tell me on the Wednesday that you're going on the Saturday. What if I'd made plans for us?'_

Instead she sighed, covering the receiver so he wouldn't hear it.

"Okay." she said simply, not trusting herself to say anything further without coming off as sarcastic.

"Why don't you come with me?"

She shook her head, even though she knew he couldn't see her. The last business trip she'd accompanied him on, she'd been bored out of her mind. Jin had either been talking to an endless string of people in suits while she sat drinking coffee and looking sullen, or he'd been on his way to meet with someone important, so she hadn't had chance to spend any quality time with him. She'd spent a fortune calling and texting Miharu.

"No, it's okay. I'd just be in the way."

"You wouldn't." he protested, just like she knew he would. Like he probably felt obligated to.

"I don't mind, Jin. I'll be okay by myself for a weekend."

"Look. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."

"Don't worry about it. You've been busy. I'll see you when you get home."

_This is who I am now._ Xiaoyu told herself as she put the phone down._ I'm not a brat anymore. I'm not gonna be blunt with him any more. I'm understanding. I'm reasonable. _

_You're spineless. _

She squeezed her eyes shut, ignoring the last thought that had somehow made its way into her head. As long as Jin was happy, what did it matter?

* * *

On Saturday, as the driver took her home after seeing Jin off at the airport, it began to rain. Miharu cancelled their usual lunch meeting due to the fact that rain turned her hair into a frizzy mess, and she was meeting some clients in the afternoon, so Xiaoyu ate cold noodles and watched cartoons. By the time night fell, she was cleaning, dusting the coffee table as she listened to the drumming of the rain outside. Jin hadn't called yet - he'd said he'd let her know once they'd got there - and Miharu's phone was turned off. Xiaoyu wiped the table in slow circles, thinking. Even with her acting like this, Jin still didn't see fit to tell her in advance about his plans. He still spent the same amount of time at the office, still didn't offer to take her places or spring little surprises on her the way he used to.

_It's because you're faking..._

She shook her head fiercely. She didn't want to think of things like that. So what if things weren't back to the way they'd been? It wasn't gonna happen overnight. Eventually, it would.

_And you know what? You'll still be lying. _

Her fingers tightened on the dust cloth.

_How long can you keep this up, Xiaoyu?_

She let got of the cloth and trailed her fingertips over the glass centrepiece.

_How long before he realises this isn't you at all?_

The glass was cool to the touch, and Xiaoyu picked it up to study it, trying to remember where they'd bought it from. It had been a present, she remembered suddenly. An anniversary present from one of Jin's workmates. Last year's anniversary that had been so perfect, so wonderful. She held it tighter.

Last year.

When things were different.

Why was she always chasing 'last time'? Why couldn't he just take her as she was? Wasn't marriage about acceptance? She'd accepted him for who he was. She'd never want him to change. She would never ignore him, or make excuses not to be affectionate with him.

She was holding the ornament so tightly, her knuckles had turned white. Why was she doing this? She hated cleaning. Jin was away, so why was she doing this? Why was she still acting? He wasn't there to see it. Would he even notice if he _was_ there? He didn't think she was important enough to even tell her that he was going to Arizona more than seventy-two hours before his flight.

_Why? _

Why did he do this to her? He wasn't even aware he was doing anything wrong. He didn't even catch on to the fact that she was annoyed at him when he came home on Wednesday. Shouldn't he have seen through her when she told him it was fine? Xiaoyu could always tell what Jin was thinking. He didn't even _realise_ when she was smothering part of her personality.

Before it had even registered in her brain what she was doing, she'd hurled the ornament at the dining room wall. It hit the mirror with a deafening crash, both of them shattering, shards of glass raining down onto the carpet, the mirror frame hanging there for a few moments before falling to the ground. Xiaoyu stared, eyes wide, face streaked with tears she hadn't even been aware were there. Then she turned and ran, slamming the front door behind her, not caring where she was going, just as long as it was away from there. Away from her lies, and the things that reminded her of how things had been, and how their relationship right now was just a pale imitation of how it once was.

* * *

How she had ended up back here, she had no idea. Xiaoyu stared at the apartment door, raising her hand to knock, then stopped.

What exactly did she think she was_ doing?_

She shook her head at her own stupidity, turning and walking back down the hall. Rainwater dripped through her hair and down her face, and she heard a door open somewhere behind her.

_Oh please don't let it… Please don't let it be that door…_

"Xiaoyu?"

_Keep going. Don't stop. Don't turn around. Just carry on walking. _

She stopped.

"Is that you?"

She turned around.

* * *

"So I had to get out..." Xiaoyu finished, wrapping her arms around herself, shivering. "I couldn't cope with being so... I'm not like that."

"Y'know, it'd help if I actually had any idea what you were going on about." Hwoarang grumbled.

"I thought that if I... Remember when we saw each other at the tournament all that time ago?"

He nodded.

"What about it?"

"I was always smiling, right? Happy. I was never like… like I am now."

"I only saw you a few times. But yeah, you seemed that way. So?"

"So I thought that maybe... Maybe if I could be the me that Jin fell in love with, everything would be okay again. But... I can't..."

She closed her eyes for a moment, trying to get a hold on her jangling emotions. Hwoarang narrowed his eyes.

"You're an idiot."

"…I know." She answered miserably.

"You started to act like someone you're not to see if it'd change things?" He shook his head at her. "Did you even think about it properly? If it didn't change things, then you'd still have no idea what the hell his problem was. But it did change things, so now you know that he doesn't like who you are now. Either way, you would've been fucked."

Xiaoyu blinked, feeling like she'd just been slapped.

"And anyway," Hwoarang carried on. "Why the hell would you think that it was a good idea to be that way if you aren't really like that? What's wrong with being the way you are? It's his problem, not yours."

He caught sight of her wounded expression and sighed.

"Don't look at me like that, Xiaoyu. If you wanted someone who'd make you feel better about acting like a complete moron, you'd have gone to see one of your friends. Which makes me wonder..."

He trailed off, fixing her with an icy stare. "Why did you come to me?" he asked. "Did you want me to fuck it better? Like last time?"

Xiaoyu took a step back, her eyes filled with angry tears. She thought she saw a flash of regret in his expression, but she'd most likely imagined it.

"That's not what I wanted." she snapped. "I don't know what I wanted. I didn't think..."

Pain and frustration crept into her voice. "I never do!" she cried. "Then I end up doing things that... that I can't... That's why..." she swiped her tears away angrily. "That's why I always screw up - because I never fucking think!"

She wrenched open the apartment door and slammed it behind her, hurrying down the hallway to the elevator. He didn't follow her. She didn't think he would.


	17. Desperate

_A/N: I'm glad that you guys and girls aren't getting bored of this 'fic yet! I hope this chapter isn't disappointing (uh, there's not a lot of story advancement…) Oh, and it's another chapter worthy of the 'M' rating, just to warn you._

* * *

_**Chapter 17: Desperate**_

* * *

What had she expected? Why had she gone to see Hwoarang instead of Miharu? Miharu would have given her a hug and sat her down, and they'd have talked things through over ice cream or chocolate, two things she could guarantee Miharu would have in her apartment. But Miharu, though she would try to be objective, would take her feelings into account. Maybe that was why she had gone to see _him._ She knew somewhere inside that he would tell her what she needed to hear, not what she_ wanted_ to hear.

Besides, Miharu had sort of done a disappearing act on her. She'd sent her a text message begging her to call or come round, but no reply.

Back home, she switched the lights off in the living room and turned on the fire to warm the place up. Moping in the dark wouldn't do her any good, she knew, but at the moment, she couldn't deal with being able to see the home she and Jin had made together. Xiaoyu walked through to the kitchen to hunt for comfort food. Some people turned to drink to dull their pain, but she preferred to work her way through the contents of the snack drawer. There was the same old kitchen counter, same old notes and flyers stuck to the fridge with cute little animal magnets. Jin had spelled out 'love you' with the alphabet letters ages ago, before all their problems had even begun, and Xiaoyu stared at them for a long moment. If only he really did. What would she do when he came back? What would she say to him? She knew deep down that she couldn't carry on this charade forever.

Her phone beeped, and she turned away from the magnets, switching off the kitchen light and closing the door gently. It must be Miharu. She picked up the handset, squinting at the screen in the dark. Jin. Since when did he text?

_Got there fine, sorry haven't called, will try calling tomorrow. Hope things are okay there. Love you. _

She was a little glad that he hadn't called. She had no idea how she should talk to him now. It was as though her subconscious had already decided for her that she needed to end it. Or at least separate for a while. She felt that she hadn't tried hard enough, hadn't been patient enough. But even when she was being herself, she didn't throw things at walls. Maybe it didn't seem like that big of a deal, but she never usually allowed herself to bottle her feelings up so much that the only way to let them out was to do something like that. Things could only get worse from here.

The doorbell rang, and she dropped the phone onto the sofa. Miharu must have finally switched her phone on and decided to come around to save her.

When she opened the door, it was Hwoarang standing on the front step. Then, before she could say anything, it was Hwoarang pinning her against the wall and kissing her fiercely, touching her the way she loved to be touched.

"You're a bastard." she said when he let go, trying her best to be angry at him for the things he'd said.

She saw a trace of a smile on his face.

"That's news to you?" he asked.

"I hate you." Xiaoyu said childishly, knowing she didn't mean it at all.

Hwoarang laughed.

"'Course you do."

"Shut up." she glowered, grabbing him by the front of his t-shirt and pulling him towards her for another heated kiss.

She didn't know what it was about him, or how she really felt, but it didn't matter. There wasn't anything left to hold back for. Xiaoyu kissed him again, nibbled his lower lip gently, and her confusion and sadness faded away to nothing. She felt a chill on her legs and pulled away to look down, puzzled. At some point, Hwoarang must have unfastened the tie on her skirt because it had slipped to the floor. Xiaoyu frowned, opened her mouth to protest, but he pulled her forward roughly and silenced her with another kiss. He stroked his fingers through her hair and down her back, his tongue caressing hers with an urgency that surprised her.

"Oh yeah. I never paid you back for that thing in the photobooth, did I?" he murmured against her mouth, and she turned her face away, flushed red with embarrassment. She heard her phone beep again.

"That thing in the photobooth was - "

"All I could think about for ages." Hwoarang interrupted her, and she wriggled out of his arms, heading for the lounge and hoping the brief moments without his mouth on hers would be enough for her to regain a little bit of self control. Before she could pick up her phone, she felt his hands at her waist, pulling her back against him, his lips on her neck.

"Hwoarang..." she whined, and she heard him chuckle softly, turning her back to him.

"Be quiet." he told her.

"But I…"

His lips and hands on her were making her dizzy with lust, and she gave up her lame attempt to resist him. She was aware of her own hands wandering over him, going to his belt and making quick work of the buttons on his jeans. When he murmured "turn around" against her mouth, she obeyed him mindlessly - all coherent thought had gone straight out of the window the first time he'd kissed her. Before she could take a breath, Hwoarang jerked her hips back against him so she was bent at the waist, hands on the wall to stop herself from falling.

"What the…?"

Xiaoyu gave a squeak of surprise as he suddenly pulled her knickers out of the way and pushed inside her, the sex hard and fast and frantic until her knees could hardly support her and her arms were shaking with the effort of keeping herself upright. He held her hips still, thrusting deep into her until she couldn't hold herself up any more, hands sliding down the wall until she reached the floor, gasping in ecstasy, her damp forehead resting against the carpet, and Hwoarang sinking down with her as he came.

For a while, she stayed like that, eyes closed, tingles of pleasure running through her body. She could feel Hwoarang leaning against her back, could feel his chest moving as he breathed.

"Was that your way of saying 'sorry'?" she asked breathlessly.

"I... dunno what that was." he replied.

"Well, whatever it was..." She trailed off, gritting her teeth and moaning softly as he pulled out of her, dimly aware of wetness on her thighs. "...Wanna do it again."

Hwoarang laughed. "You'll have to give me a couple of minutes." He raised an eyebrow at the look of disappointment on her face. "What do you think I am?"

Xiaoyu smiled, then tried to get to her feet, meaning to grab the tissue box from the table, but Hwoarang caught her hand, pulling her down into his lap.

"That doesn't mean you get to go anywhere." he growled, kissing her. For a moment she playfully tried to wriggle free, but the feel of his tongue teasing hers was more than enough to keep her there.

"Anyway, I still need to pay you back, right?" He slowly laid her back on the soft Chinese rug her mother had sent her as he spoke.

"I thought just then was..."

"No, that wasn't what I had in mind. That just… uh, sorta... happened."

She saw him flash a wry smile before he traced a path of light kisses down her throat, and then pulled away to tug her shirt off. The firelight glinted in his hair as he trailed his lips from her chest to her stomach, and even the warmth from the fire couldn't stop her from shivering when he slowly slid her underwear over her hips and off, and then gently pressed her legs apart.

"You want me to do anything in particular?" he asked with a smirk.

"W-wait..." she stammered, feeling a little self conscious at being so completely exposed. Hwoarang smiled lazily, stroking his hands over her thighs, tracing small circles on her skin with one finger, and she tried to calm down a little. She knew well enough what he was going to do, but...

"No one's ever..." The words were out before she could think about what she was saying.

"What?" He looked up at her in surprise "You're not serious."

Xiaoyu shook her head, blushing.

"And I'd lie because...?"

Hwoarang blinked.

"Well, just relax." he told her. "Let me know what feels best."

Then he lowered his head, and the feel of his hair tickling her inner thighs and his warm mouth on her made her breath hitch, made her close her eyes, giving a little 'mmm' as he ran his tongue upwards ever so slowly, tasting himself on her. He soon found that sensitive spot, slowly encircling it with the tip of his tongue, and Xiaoyu's hands came down to run through his hair, soft moans spilling from her mouth as his tongue teased and stroked her.

Nothing had ever felt so intense. Perhaps it was because it was the first time anyone had done this to her, perhaps because she was already so over-sensitized from what they'd just done. Whatever the reason, she didn't care. All she cared about now was the pleasure building and rising within until the sensation of his tongue on her was almost too much for her to handle, and Xiaoyu found herself bringing one clenched fist up to her mouth, teeth grazing her knuckles, trying to stifle her cries.

Her back arched of its own accord. Hwoarang's hands kept her still, and her thighs tensed even more as he slipped his tongue inside her. She wound her fingers in his hair, wrapped her trembling legs around his back, could hear herself gasping his name, begging him not to stop. She didn't need to worry, since he had no intention of stopping, not until her breath caught in her throat and then left her in a shuddering cry, the waves of ecstasy that had been building for so long finally washing through her body, the feeling so strong that it felt like she might fly apart.

Afterwards, Xiaoyu lay there blissfully, soft tremors still running through her. Hwoarang leaned over her, smiling.

"Do you even know who you are right now?" he teased. Her eyes were glazed with the pleasure of the afterglow.

"I think we should go upstairs." she breathed.

Maybe it was better that she couldn't define her feelings for him, and he never expected her to. No pressure. Just his hands on her body, fierce kisses, and sex that made her toes curl.


	18. Discovered

_A/N: Sorry this chapter is a bit short, it's more of a talky chapter and I just felt where I ended it was a natural place to finish, even though it wasn't very long. Anyway, thanks, as always, to you reviewers. I adore you guys and girls._

* * *

_**Chapter 18: Discovered**_

* * *

When she woke up, it was just starting to get light outside. Xiaoyu could hear the birds splashing in the puddles on the roof, and she rolled over to see Hwoarang sitting on the edge of the bed, rubbing his face tiredly. He stood up, and she took a moment to admire his body in the dim light of the morning, every toned inch of him.

"You're not going, are you?" she asked, sleep still clogging her throat.

He turned his head a little.

"You don't want me to?"

Xiaoyu sat up, stretching. She'd tidied the bedroom before her big meltdown. Now discarded clothes were scattered over the carpet.

"Stay." She said softly, glancing at the clock. "It's only just turned four. Just… put your arms around me for a bit."

"…Why?"

She rubbed her eyes.

"I don't want you to go."

Xiaoyu saw the faint beginnings of a smile on his face, and he came back to her side.

"You know…" she started, snuggling back down into the duvet. "Considering I've had sex with you twice, I don't really know that much about you, do I?"

She felt him chuckle against her back, and he slipped an arm around her waist.

"You know I give great head." He answered, and she laughed.

"Well, yeah, there is that." She said absently, stroking his arm. "But you know what I mean."

"Nothin' to tell."

Xiaoyu turned around to face him.

"If I wasn't married, I'd be in China right now. So what about you, why are you in Japan?"

"Can't go back home right now." He said, turning onto his back and putting his arms behind his head. "Ran out on the army."

"What for?"

"Got bored." He closed his eyes.

"But aren't people back home worried about you?"

She saw him smile wryly.

"No."

"Family?"

"Don't have any."

Xiaoyu felt a little sad for him. She sometimes got annoyed with her mother, but knowing she was there was comforting. She heard the soft beginnings of rain against the window as she got up and straddled him, hands on his chest, lowering her mouth to his for a slow kiss.

"Where'd you get that?" she asked quietly after she'd pulled away, running her fingers over a scar on his shoulder.

"Back home." Hwoarang answered.

"Oh… What were you doing?"

He opened his eyes again, giving her an amused look.

"Don't you ever sleep? It's five past four."

"You were the one who woke me up." She pouted. "So it's your own fault."

"Fine. I was training and I fell. Think I was about seven."

"Did you cry?" she asked teasingly, running one hand up and down his chest.

"I can think of a better use for that mouth other than asking annoying questions."

"I can think of a better line than that."

"Does that mean you're not gonna do it?"

Xiaoyu smirked, then kissed his shoulder, trailing her lips down to his stomach.

"Wait… when's uh… when's Kazama coming back?"

She stopped, surprised that his comment, something that should have sent guilt crawling over her skin, had hardly affected her at all. What kind of person did that make her, she wondered.

"When's _Julia_ coming back?" Xiaoyu snapped, and Hwoarang shook his head.

"I wouldn't know."

"Right. I forgot what a great boyfriend you are."

"We're not together."

Xiaoyu frowned.

"When did that happen?"

"A couple of weeks ago."

She lowered her eyes.

"Great. So I'm the only asshole now."

Hwoarang sat up so they were face to face, putting a hand under her chin. She turned her head away, and he rolled his eyes.

"She broke up with _me_." He told her. "So I'm still an asshole."

Xiaoyu glowered at him for a moment, but then he lay back down, pulling her with him, and gave her a kiss that was downright indecent, leaving her mind spinning and an ache between her thighs.

"Now," he smiled mischievously. "Stop whining and get back down there and finish what you started."

* * *

The house phone was ringing. Xiaoyu thought she'd been dreaming it, but it had slowly managed to wake her from her sleep. Hwoarang was pressed against her back, one of his arms slung around her waist, their legs tangled, and she wanted to stay there, ignore the phone, go back to sleep and imagine that she wasn't being unfaithful and unfair to the husband who would do anything for her if he could, and it was okay to spend the whole day in bed with Hwoarang if she wanted to.

She got up, throwing on his t-shirt to cover herself. She didn't make a habit of walking around her house naked. By the time she got to the phone, it had stopped, and she was about to pick it up and find out who'd called when she heard the doorhandle rattle and then the sound of the front door opening. Xiaoyu froze. She hadn't locked it last night after Hwoarang had shown up at her door.

"Xiao? Are you home?"

Miharu poked her head around the living room door, hair windswept.

"Hey!" she said brightly. "What are you doing dressed like that?" she smiled. "You miss Jin that much you're wearing his clothes? He's only been gone a day, you dork."

She hadn't noticed the colour drain from Xiaoyu's face.

"Y-you know me." Xiaoyu answered, tugging the t-shirt down so it covered her more and trying her best to sound normal.

"Come on, it's only me." Miharu laughed. "You wore skirts shorter than that when we were in school."

"I guess so. Um, what are you doing here?"

"I felt bad about not replying to you yesterday. I left my phone at home, I'm sorry hon." Miharu stepped into the living room, putting her handbag down. "I was worried you'd go and jump off a bridge or do something equally stupid." She ran a hand through her hair. "It scared me to death when you didn't answer this morning."

"Sorry. I had a big freak-out yesterday. I'm okay now."

"Are you sure?" Miharu asked. "You look really weird."

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine." Xiaoyu forced a smile. "Really, Miharu."

"You wanna get dressed and we'll go get some dinner?"

"I think I'll pass. I uh… I don't feel too good."

Miharu stepped forward, putting a hand on Xiaoyu's forehead.

"You do feel a bit hot." she said, concerned. "Come on, you should go back to bed." She grabbed Xiaoyu's hand and pulled her into the hallway.

"No, it's fine!" Xiaoyu protested.

"You don't wanna be ill when Jin gets home."

"Miharu, I'm okay!"

Miharu let go of her hand.

"You're acting weird."

"I'm not."

"Yeah, you are." She narrowed her eyes. "You know, come to think of it, I've never seen Jin in a t-shirt."

"He only wears it to lounge around in." Xiaoyu said defensively.

"Really?" Miharu rubbed her chin, eyes still narrowed, then gazed up the staircase. "So there's no one up there, then?"

"Miharu… I…"

"He's in your bed, isn't he?" She interrupted. "Hwoarang? That's why you didn't want me to go up there."

Xiaoyu said nothing.

"I thought you said it wouldn't happen again."

"I know."

"So why has it happened again?"

"I don't know."

"Do you love him?"

"I don't think so. I don't know."

"Do you love Jin?"

"I…" Tears sprung to her eyes. "If he can't love all of me… I don't know anymore…"

"Do you know anything, Xiaoyu? What are you gonna do when Jin gets back? Carry on sneaking around? How would you feel if it was the other way around? If he were with Julia right now?"

"At least Julia's not lying to him." Xiaoyu snapped. "At least Julia's sweet, and friendly, and she's always smiling, even if she doesn't feel happy inside! At least Julia's what I can't be any more!"

"Then maybe you should swap." Miharu glared.

"You're supposed to be my friend." Xiaoyu whispered. "You're supposed to be on my side."

"I am your friend, Xiaoyu. But that doesn't mean I'm gonna pat you on the back and congratulate you when you do something stupid."

"Are you gonna tell him?"

"No, I'm not." Miharu sighed. "Are you?"


	19. Honesty

_A/N: Sorry for the wait, I hope you're still reading! Please let me know if this chapter could be improved, I had to rewrite the later parts of it quite a few times until they seemed believable to me. Let me know how I did, and if anything bothered you, okay? Love and e-cookies to you all, as usual._

* * *

_**Chapter 19: Honesty**_

* * *

Xiaoyu opened the apartment door, stifling a yawn and smoothing down her hair, frizzed out from the weather. 

"Hey, it's me. I thought I'd come over, see what you were up to." She called out, setting her handbag down on the countertop and glancing around. It was still drizzling outside, from what she could see, and she frowned, walking into the living room.

"Hwoarang?"

"Yeah, I'm here."

Xiaoyu looked over at the bathroom door.

"What're you doing in there?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

He didn't answer, and Xiaoyu strode over, jiggling the door handle.

"Can I come in, then? Since you're doing nothing, and all."

She heard him mutter something, and he unbolted the door, letting it swing open. Xiaoyu blinked.

"Don't tell me you're not a natural redhead?" she said with false astonishment, staring wide-eyed at the dye bottle on the side of the bath.

"Fuck off." He said with a smirk. "You know damned well I'm not. And since you're here," he told her, grabbing the handle of the showerhead. "You can help me wash this stuff out."

"Kneel down then." Xiaoyu's eyes sparkled with mischief.

He flashed her a suspicious look before getting to his knees.

"Turn that thing on me and you die."

"Would I do something like that?"

She stood behind him as he leant over the side of the bath, rinsing the dye out of his hair and gazing at the water as it swirled red around the plughole. Jin would be coming back this afternoon. After what had happened with Miharu, she'd decided to tell him the truth. He deserved that much from her.

"Why'd you come over?" Hwoarang asked over the sound of the shower.

"I was bored." She replied with a grin. "Finished."

"Pass me a towel, would you?"

"No word of thanks? Right, you can get it yourself." Xiaoyu teased, and Hwoarang got to his feet, shaking his soaking hair out and showering her with water as she squealed, bringing her hands up to shield herself.

"Bastard." She snatched up a towel. "That's it." She growled, lunging at him and rough-drying his hair as hard as she could. "How d'ya like that, hmm?"

Hwoarang laughed at her, pushing her hands away and letting the towel fall, his hair tangled and going in all directions. For a moment, neither of them spoke, and then Xiaoyu leaned forward, brushing his hair away from his face and letting her damp fingers trace the line of his jaw before she kissed him.

She didn't quite know when it was that she'd become so fond of him. This weekend had probably been one of the happiest, most carefree weekends she'd had in a long time, and she knew it shouldn't have been that way at all. Sometimes she wondered whether, if she let it, maybe this weird excuse for a relationship could become something more. Whether she even wanted it to, or whether she preferred it this way, in all its simplicity.

* * *

When Jin got home, he wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug, murmuring that he'd missed her, and anxiety tugged at her heart, even as she tried to act normal and listen to his excited account of how successful the trip had been. He paced the room, speaking animatedly, and she tried her best to pay attention, tried her hardest to keep calm as she went over what to say to him in her head. Tears welled up in her eyes and tumbled down her face as Jin talked, and she blinked rapidly, trying to force them back. 

"Are you okay, Xiao?"

"Oh..." She wiped the tears away hurriedly. "I'm fine. I just… I need to tell you something."

"What is it?"

Xiaoyu gazed at him for a few moments, trying to work up the courage she needed.

"N-no." she said. "I guess it's nothing."

"Are you sure? If it's upsetting you, it's got to be something."

"No, I'm just…" she shook her head. "Forget it. Get some sleep, you must be tired, Jin."

He watched her face for a few seconds, doubtful.

"I'm okay, really."

"If you're sure…"

Jin turned, walking over to the door, his movements hesitant. He didn't get more than a few steps before she stopped him.

"Wait!" She blurted. "I was lying. I'm not okay… I need to talk to you."

"Okay…" Jin said, concerned. He came back, sat down on the sofa, looking at her expectantly. "What's bothering you, hmm?"

"Jin…" Xiaoyu's heart began to pound in her chest as she searched for the right words, the right way to say what she wished desperately she didn't have to say to him.

"I did something… something terrible."

"I'm sure you're exaggerating." Jin replied, smiling a little. Xiaoyu shook her head, trying her best not to lose her nerve. It would be so easy to just make up something, then laugh it off with him and carry on living this way.

"I'm not." She said softly, fiddling with her hands. "I wish I didn't have to tell you this… Oh, God…"

She took a deep breath, locking eyes with him. She could see a flicker of unease on his face.

"While you were away, I - " She stopped, tried again.

"Something happened, and I'm - "

Again, she felt her throat close up, trying to keep the words from escaping.

"Is it something to do with the company?" Jin asked. "Did a client call? Did you forget to pass a message onto me while I was away or something?"

She stared at him in stunned disbelief. How could he think this was about work?

"That's it, isn't it?" He said, convinced by her expression. He sounded relieved. "It's no problem, Xiao."

"Jin, no, it's not - "

"Don't worry about it." Jin got to his feet, reaching over to ruffle Xiaoyu's hair as she stood there stiffly. "I'll sort it tomorrow." He started to walk towards the door. "Well, I'm gonna go to bed."

"Jin…"

"It's okay, Xiaoyu."

She took a step towards him, and then stopped, tears filling her eyes. The words she'd tried so hard to say suddenly bubbled up in her throat and left her in a rush. "I slept with someone else, Jin!"

He turned, a hand on the doorframe. It wasn't true. It couldn't be.

"You don't mean that."

"You think I'd make something like this up?"

No, she hadn't said that… He hadn't heard her properly.

"Please, Xiaoyu, I'm tired."

"Listen to me, Jin."

"I… I'm going to bed."

Xiaoyu opened her mouth, then closed it, her blood pounding in her ears, her mind screaming 'listen to me, please listen, until it all melted together into listentomelistentomelisten…, and then she couldn't stand it any longer.

"I had sex in that bed while you were away!" she cried.

Jin stopped dead, and for a moment, the house was silent apart from the quiet ticking of the clock on the mantelpiece.

"…What did you say?" he asked, his voice strained. It couldn't be.

"I'm sorry…" she choked out, unable to look at him. "I don't know why I… I'm so sorry…" She'd said it. There was no going back now.

"How could…?"

"I'm sorry…" she whispered, "Jin… I'm sorry…"

"Why… why are you telling me this?" He turned to her, eyes wide with shock and pain, unable to fully grasp what she had said to him.

"I had to… I had make you listen."

"Make me listen…? So you didn't…" He took a few steps towards her, panicked. "You didn't really do that, Xiaoyu…? You can't have… this isn't… I don't…"

"I'm sorry…" she said again, sobbing as he grabbed for her hand, needing something to hold onto, shaking his head, and again, a whisper of "You didn't really… I'm listening now… just tell me you didn't…" as he dropped to his knees in front of her and unsteadily wrapped his arms around her waist, eyes filling with tears.

It wasn't as though the whole world shattered when she told him that she'd slept with someone else in their bed, that someone else had touched her, made her make those breathy little cries that he liked to hear so much; instead it was a dull, heavy, suffocating feeling in his chest that made him feel like he was drowning. Jin could hardly comprehend what she was saying to him, it was so far removed from what he'd expected of her, and he could hear himself asking again; 'why are you telling me this?' as though he was accusing her again of making up this confession for some reason, as though it seemed as out of character for her to lie as it seemed for her to betray him like this.

And then he looked up at the girl standing in front of him, and actually saw her for the first time in months. He didn't see her friendly, carefree smile, her eyes twinkling with laughter and innocence anymore. He'd kept her that way in his head even as they both grew and changed and became different people. Now she was a woman, standing there, crying and telling him that he deserved better than this, better than her, and his vision was blurry, and then she was on her knees too, her arms around him, clutching him close, and everything was reversed, and this wasn't happening, not at all. He could hear himself repeating it over and over, 'this isn't how it's supposed to be, isn't how it's supposed to be, I thought we were happy, I thought…', and Xiaoyu was stroking his hair the comforting, protective way he'd always stroked hers.

Somehow, Xiaoyu found this reaction was more painful than if he'd been angry and raised a hand to her.


	20. Us

_A/N: Sorry for keeping you waiting. And sorry this chapter isn't longer. Like before, it just seemed like a natural place to finish it. I'm so glad that you guys thought chapter 19 was believable, and that you thought I did a good job. Love you!_

* * *

_**Chapter 20: Us**_

* * *

It was just past eleven when Julia arrived on his door. Hwoarang could tell it was her by how she knocked - two short, hesitant taps, as if she were afraid of being let inside. She smiled faintly when he opened the door, stepping past him into the apartment. 

"What do you want?" he asked, and she made an indignant noise.

"That's not very polite, is it?"

"_I'm_ not very polite."

"Yeah, I'm aware of that. Maybe you should get that sorted out."

Hwoarang walked away from her, slouching on the sofa and picking up the motorbike magazine he'd been reading earlier.

"You gonna answer my question?" He didn't look at her as he spoke, he'd been halfway through an article about the new Honda superbike and he wanted to pick back up where he left off.

"I just came to get my stuff."

"It's where you left it. Haven't moved anything."

"'Cause you haven't _cleaned_." she teased him. He didn't answer, and Julia went into the bathroom to collect her shampoo and conditioner, and her spare toothbrush. Her clothes were where she'd left them the last time she'd been here, in a heap next to the bed, and she shook them out and folded them. Her hairdryer was still plugged in. That was everything, she guessed. Hwoarang didn't make a move to get up when she reached the door, and she turned around, biting her lip.

"You know, it wouldn't have worked, would it?"

"Hmm?"

"Us, I mean. As a couple. It wouldn't have worked."

He looked at her over the top of his magazine, and she smiled fondly. He was sulky, sarcastic, and the most infuriating guy she'd ever known, but still… He was _Hwoarang._ She'd missed him.

"When I was on the trip with Jin, he was so worried about Xiao. Being all by herself and everything."

"She's not a kid." Hwoarang said.

"I know. But he kept saying how he hoped she'd be okay. And I thought... They're just so... stable and... devoted, and, and just _right _for each other, y'know?"

He almost laughed.

"I think I want something like that." Julia carried on. "I guess it's not gonna happen with you."

"You knew what I was like when we first started going out."

"I know. I guess I thought you might settle down."

She laughed a little.

"Stupid, huh?"

"No."

Julia was a bit surprised to hear him say that.

"Have you ever tried to change?" she asked, cautious.

"Never wanted to."

"Not even..." she stopped.

"Not even what?"

"Not even for me?"

He didn't reply, and she nodded to herself.

"Not the right girl, huh? Well, I'd better go. Maybe we'll see each other again sometime?"

"Yeah."

Then she was gone, and Hwoarang looked at the closed door for a few seconds, then turned back to his magazine.

* * *

He didn't ask who it was. The specifics really didn't matter at all. What difference would having a face and a name to put to the guy really make? It wouldn't change anything, in the end. Jin rubbed his forehead with one trembling hand, pain pulsing behind his eyes. He wanted to ask how it had happened, just in case she said she'd been drunk, and then there'd be an excuse and he could forgive her, and everything would be okay again. But he knew she hadn't. She would have told him by now. No, she wasn't offering anything that would comfort him and make it hurt less. She was sitting on the carpet, leaning her back against the sofa, her knees pulled up to her chest, crying. He was lost. He wanted to go over and tell her it was okay, but he couldn't, because it wasn't. 

He was surprised she hadn't asked him to forgive her, or asked him what would happen to them, if they could stay together and work things out. Maybe she already knew what his answers would be. 'No, I can't forgive you. No, we can't work things out. Even though I love you so much, Xiaoyu. Even though I always have.' He couldn't forgive her. She had been his first love, his first kiss, his first...everything. He closed his eyes, and he could see her face, her cheeks flushed pink, her lips parted slightly, her eyes fluttering open and staring into his as they made love for the first time. Disgust twisted in his stomach.

"...Our bed."

She looked up.

"In our bed, huh?"

At least she had the grace to look ashamed.

"I hope you changed the sheets."

"Jin..."

"I'm just saying."

"Don't."

He was exhausted.

* * *

The next morning, she was awake before him, talking on the phone in the kitchen when he walked in to make breakfast. He couldn't help listening to her side of the conversation as he poured some coffee - he'd had no sleep, just lay awake listening to cars going past outside and watching the shadows on the ceiling. Xiaoyu wouldn't let him sleep on the sofa instead of the bed, and to be honest he didn't find either option too appealing, but the bed was a hell of a lot more comfortable. 

"I know I haven't," she said into the phone. "I _know_. I'll come as soon as I can. Yeah, yeah, okay. I will. Hm?" She shook her head. "No, I don't think so. He's... Yeah, he's really busy right now, mum. Look, I have to go, alright? We'll talk more when I get there."

Xiaoyu sighed deeply as she put the phone down, her hand resting on the receiver for a few moments before she turned to look at him.

"Morning." she said quietly. He wondered if she'd had any more sleep than he had. It didn't look like it.

"What did your mum want?"

"She wanted me to go see her. I said I would." Xiaoyu brushed a lock of tangled hair behind her ear. "I'm gonna get a cheap flight over there. I... I'll stay in a hotel until then."

"You don't have to."

"I do, Jin. If I stay here, it'll just be awkward."

She straightened up, trying to look decisive. "I'll stay in China for a couple of weeks, and then I'll… look for my own place, I guess. I'm gonna have a look on the computer, see if I can find a flight for tomorrow or something."

"There's no way you'll find one for tomorrow."

"Well, whatever. Soon."

She started towards the kitchen door, and Jin put down his coffee cup.

"Xiaoyu... I just... Why would you...? What did I do that made you want to do something like that to me?"

She turned, a sad smile on her face.

"It wasn't about hurting you, Jin. It was just... me. Me being selfish."

"Well… what could I have done to stop it?"

She wanted to say 'loved me, even though I'm not your perfect girl', but she didn't. She just shook her head at him.


	21. What's Left

_A/N: Choppy chapter, I know. Sorry! I've found it hard to write well recently, and this chapter probably shows it… Oh well. I'm a trier if nothing else, haha. One more after this, and we're done. I'm a little sad, actually. I enjoy writing this fic so much! And I enjoy reading your comments too, so don't hesitate to leave me a review. _

* * *

_**Chapter 21: What's Left**_

* * *

Jin heard her earrings jangle as she shook her head, and he looked down into his cup as Xiaoyu walked out of the kitchen. A few moments later he could hear her footsteps on the stairs, and he stared at his reflection in the black coffee for a few moments more before he threw it across the room with a cry of frustration. The sound of the cup breaking against the floor rang in his ears, making his head throb, and he clutched at his hair with one hand. 

This wasn't happening. How could she do something like that? How could anyone do something like that? Jin closed his eyes, and suddenly he was nineteen again, pulling on his red studded gloves as he made his way outside into the courtyard at the Iron Fist Tournament, and she was there. Black hair shining in the sunlight, pigtails bobbing as she jumped from foot to foot. She turned around and spotted him, recognition lighting up her face, and ran over.

_"You go to my school, don't you?" _

He didn't remember her, if she'd ever talked to him. The faces of people he went to school with all merged into one, he'd had no inclination to make friends or have girlfriends. But Xiaoyu...

After the tournament, he'd got a job at Mishima Corporation. His grandfather had told him he should begin low and aim high, so although he could have been an executive just for his family attachments, Heihachi had given him a job as executive assistant. He'd worked his fingers to the bone to get where he was today, done everything that had been asked of him, and after Heihachi disappeared and he was promoted to CEO, everyone else had done everything that _he_ asked of _them_. No questions, no complaints, and though it had made him feel awkward at first, he'd grown used to it over time. Maybe that was why he couldn't get used to Xiaoyu getting upset with him when things didn't go her way. He'd been spoiled by the obedience he encountered everyday at work.

To his employees and peers, his life was perfect. Great job, and a sweet, caring wife. They would always tell him how charming Xiaoyu was when she came with him to the company functions. But then she'd started to change. He didn't like it. He liked things to be in order, to be predictable; he liked being in control of his life and his emotions. Maybe a life like that seemed uninteresting to other people, but he preferred it to constant surprises. The changes in Xiaoyu didn't happen overnight, but still... All he'd ever wanted since they first met was to take care of her, to be needed. Maybe that was old fashioned in this day and age, but it was what he wanted.

He knew that sometimes he pushed her away, made her angry. He remembered how hurt she'd look when he turned down sex, but... things had got better again, hadn't they? Or had she just put on a facade? Because of him? Was this whole thing his fault?

No. He wouldn't start blaming himself. Anger was starting to prickle at him, growing more powerful than the sadness and hurt. No way. He wasn't the one who'd been unfaithful, she was. _He _hadn't fucked someone else. He was the wounded party here, not her. It was _her _fault.

But... it must have been an illusion, that happy, smiling face she'd suddenly started showing him again. Kind of like the impassive, calm face he'd just shown her. That mask he put on so often that it was a subconscious thing now. He never let his emotions get the better of him at work, if he had, he never would have got promoted. He was just so used to doing it that it had started to creep into his everyday life. And she'd given up on him. Could he really blame her for the whole thing? It wasn't like she hadn't tried talking to him. He was usually great at reading people's real feelings. So why hadn't he picked up on Xiaoyu's?

Jin reached for the mop and mindlessly began to wipe up the coffee from the floor. Truthfully, it wasn't the fact that she'd seemed to be happy and things had been good again, like before. Nor was it how he'd had no idea that things weren't perfect again that was making him so angry, making indignation bubble up in his chest and his fists tighten on the mop handle.

It wasn't the betrayal.

It wasn't even the images that kept flashing through his head of Xiaoyu with someone else, their hands on her, mouth on her, someone whose name he didn't need to know.

It was the fact that he loved her, even now, even after everything. He wanted to be indifferent to her, to shut off any feelings he had left for her, but his heart just wouldn't co-operate with him, even as he tried to hate her and swore that he couldn't, and wouldn't, forgive or forget.

Xiaoyu had heard the crash of the coffee cup hitting the floor, and she winced. Booking her flight could wait. She had to talk to someone.

* * *

"Hey." 

Miharu looked up from her laptop, surprised.

"Xiao, I didn't realise it was you." She stood up, running her fingers through her hair. "Why didn't you tell Mei to tell me? I wouldn't have kept you waiting so long!"

"It's okay, you were busy. I didn't want to disturb you."

Xiaoyu had been in the reception of Miharu's office building for ten minutes while her receptionist waited for a callback, trying to sort through things in her head. Like where she was going to live when she got back from China, and how she was going to afford it. She had no doubt that Jin would offer the money for a place for her, but she wanted to pay for it herself. If she and Jin weren't going to be together any more, she couldn't very well rely on him to fund things all the time.

_Not together anymore._

_Separated._

Her eyes stung, but she didn't cry. What good would it do, anyway? It was over, there was nothing left. Jin would never change, and he would never forgive her.

"It could have waited." Miharu replied. "Are you okay? You look a bit weird." She narrowed her eyes a little. "If it's anything to do with you having sex with Hwoarang for the fiftieth time, I don't want to know."

"I told Jin." Xiaoyu said softly. "Last night."

"About ..._that_?"

"About that."

"Wow." She shook her head. "What did he do?"

"He didn't believe me at first..." Xiaoyu blinked rapidly, trying to stop her eyes from filling with tears. "Then when he realised I wasn't lying, he..."

She could see him, his eyes wide and disbelieving, him shaking his head, his mouth trying to form words, and the choked whisper of 'You didn't really... I'm listening now... just tell me you didn't...' His hand clutching hers, as if somehow it would change things. Miharu stepped forward to wrap her arms around her as the tears spilled down her face, and Xiaoyu buried her face in her friend's sweater.

"Hey, that's cashmere, y'know."

"I made him cry."

"What did you expect?" Miharu asked gently.

"I don't know... that he'd get mad. Throw me out. Call me something horrible. I never thought... I knew I'd hurt him, but..."

"Seeing him upset like that brought it home, huh?"

"He was so… I don't think he even realised I was unhappy, Miharu."

"Did you ever tell him?"

"Not outright. But it's not like I didn't show it… and we're married. He should have known I wasn't happy."

"Maybe."

"Anyway… I can't…" Xiaoyu sighed, shaking her head. "I have to book a flight. Can you help me with it?"

"Hold on, I don't thing fleeing the country's really necessary, is it?"

"I said I'd visit mum."

"Does it have to be so soon?"

"I can't stay at home... at Jin's..."

"You can stay with me until you're sorted." Miharu smiled at her, patting her shoulder reassuringly. "As long as you can stand the mess, that is."

"Miharu..." Xiaoyu wanted to tell her how grateful she was, how she didn't deserve such a great friend, but Miharu shook her head before she could find the words.

"Hey, it's no problem." She blew out a breath, checking her watch. "You wanna get some dinner? I'm starving."


	22. Restless

_A/N: Okay, here's the last chapter for you. I've had great fun writing this, and I'm happy that you enjoyed reading it. I really hope that you find this chapter satisfying, 'cause I had several endings in mind but I kept coming back to this one. So please let me know what you thought! Thank you so much to everyone who's read and reviewed this 'fic. You guys are the sex. I especially want to thank bluetinkerbell, because she is love, and she's been with me from the start, even back in my DBZ fanfic days. Tink, even though you didn't like the X/H pairing, you said you trusted in my writing ability enough to carry on reading, and that meant so, so much to me. _

_Enjoy chapter 22!__**  
**_

* * *

_**Chapter 22: Restless**_

* * *

_Things don't always work out how you think they're supposed to_, Xiaoyu thought as she walked out of the restaurant she and Miharu had just visited for lunch. When she married Jin, she thought they would always be together, but she guessed that was naïve of her. They just… outgrew each other, she supposed. It wasn't his fault, or hers. Not _entirely_ hers, anyway. She knew she was to blame for things ending like they did, but still… Both of them had changed since the tournament where they met, Jin in a more subtle way than her, perhaps, but nevertheless, he_ had_ changed. They'd grown into two people who just couldn't reach a happy medium. Breaking up might be hurting them both right now, but in the long run, it was better than trying to save something that couldn't be saved right now. Maybe in five years, they would change further, and be able to love each other unconditionally again. Maybe they were just better off as friends. Maybe they'd just become too different. 

Jin had called her after a few days, to let her know he was going on another business trip but she was welcome to go and pick up her things. When she'd got there, they had all been packed into boxes, clearly labelled. It had hurt, but at least she knew for sure that it was over. Everything was neatly arranged, her clothes folded.

Miharu had to hurry back to work, and told Xiaoyu that she was welcome to let herself into the apartment. However, though she'd thanked her, and even though it had been almost a week since she'd moved in, Xiaoyu still felt awkward about being in Miharu's house when she wasn't home. Besides, she thought as she drew nearer to the apartment block, she needed to see Hwoarang. And she was sure Miharu wouldn't be thrilled with that idea. Like she'd explained to Miharu over lunch, she'd love to be able to just turn around and run back to Jin, tell him she was sorry, that she would never do it again, that it was wrong and stupid and she was sorry. That she would always be faithful to him. But she couldn't, because there was something about Hwoarang that made all of her morals just go flying out the window. She could repeat over and over that she would never do anything like that again, but it would be a lie. She was done lying. She had to accept that she wasn't as honest as she once thought. That she was more selfish than she had once thought. That she was human.

* * *

"Didn't expect you to come round." Hwoarang greeted her when he opened the door. "I thought he came back." 

"He did." Xiaoyu said simply.

"So what're you doing here then?"

"I… I couldn't do it to him anymore. I had to tell him…" She saw a flicker of surprise flash in his eyes, but it was gone in a second. "Don't worry." She carried on hurriedly. "I didn't tell him about what… you know, what… um… happened with us. And I'm not here 'cause I expect anything from you or anything. I just thought I should tell you."

"…Okay." His face was expressionless. "So what happened?"

She shook her head

"We're not… we're not together anymore." _It's over. Everything._

"I need some time away from here, so I'm gonna go home to visit my family. I just wanted to tell you."

"Why?"

His voice and expression didn't falter, so she still wasn't able to pin down anything he might be feeling. She supposed it was because he wasn't feeling anything in particular. After all, it had probably just been about the sex for him.

"Because I…" Xiaoyu tried to look anywhere but at his face. She was sure that if she did, he would pick up on the conflicting emotions that were racing through her and make some stupid comment. "I don't want you to feel like you have to wait for me to come back. If you want to get with someone else, I mean. We're not really together anyway, right?"

"Okay…" He ran a hand through his hair. "So it's all up to me, is that what you're saying?"

"Yeah, I guess." She'd made a hard enough decision when she'd decided to tell Jin, now she wanted to leave it to someone else.

"You guess?" He repeated. "Well…" He leaned forward a little, and Xiaoyu felt a shiver run through her, eyes focusing on his mouth. She remembered how his lips felt on hers, and closed her eyes for a moment, trying to collect her thoughts. Hwoarang moved away suddenly, walking into the apartment.

"You coming in, or are you gonna stand there all afternoon?"

"Well, I wasn't planning…"

He turned, fixing her with an intense gaze that turned her insides to jelly, and her feet were taking her inside the apartment before she could even blink. The door swung shut behind her, and she stood there awkwardly, fidgeting with her hands.

"So… uh…" she trailed off, eyes darting nervously around the apartment. She was standing near the kitchen counter where the whole thing had started, and memories of that first encounter flowed through her head. She stepped back and leaned against the door, taking a deep breath in an attempt to calm herself down. Hwoarang had followed her gaze, and she could see the beginnings of a smile on his face.

"What's up?" He asked her. "Do I make you nervous or something?"

"No, I just…"

"What is it _you_ want, Xiaoyu?"

"Like I said, I don't want anything, I'm – "

"You're lying."

He walked over to her, and her body was tingling, desperate for his touch, for him to just hold her a while before they said goodbye.

"I'm not lying." She bit out, locking her gaze with his. "Like I said, I just came to tell you that I'm not expecting anything from you."

"What do you think I'll_ do_?" he asked her, bewildered. "You think I can't go a couple of weeks without finding someone else?"

"I… I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that."

"Well what did you mean, then?"

"I meant… I'm not flattering myself that you have… uh… _feelings._ For me, I mean."

He raised an eyebrow, and Xiaoyu felt heat rise to her face, wondering if she'd offended him.

Then he was smiling again, and she blinked, utterly perplexed.

"Well maybe you should." He said with a laugh.

"I don't get you at all."

"Good."

She bristled, her fists clenching at her sides. At the moment, she didn't have the patience to deal with him acting deliberately confusing.

"You're loving this, aren't you? Winding me up like this? You think this is funny? I… Things have changed completely, and it's because of you! I thought I'd be with him for the rest of my life, and now… Now it's done! If you hadn't… If I hadn't... It's all your fault!"

She stamped her foot childishly; glaring at him even though she knew that she was being unfair. His eyes were sparkling with amusement, and Xiaoyu turned away in frustration, walking towards the door. She could feel angry tears prickling at her eyes. Normally she'd have tried to blink them away, anything to avoid letting him see her cry, but this time she let them flow down her face as she turned back to him, wanting him to see how she felt, what she was going through.

"I don't know why I even bothered coming here in the first place." She spat, wrenching the door open and preparing to flounce out and slam it behind her. Suddenly, she felt Hwoarang's arms wrap around her from behind, his chin resting on her shoulder, and she froze in the doorway.

"I'm sorry." He murmured. "I'm not good at stuff like this. Talking about how I feel, you know?"

"Let go." She said, pulling at his arm half-heartedly. "I'm so tired of this, Hwoarang."

"Tired of what?"

"Of not knowing how people really feel. Of lying about how I really feel."

"And how do you feel?"

"I… I don't know. I like you. I like being with you. I'm just really goddamned confused." She admitted. "I mean, it's hardly been a week since me and Jin… I feel like I shouldn't be doing this. I didn't come here to talk about all these kinds of things. But I like you..."

"Well, I suck at relationships." Hwoarang commented, his arms still tight around her. "I'm not reliable in the slightest. I get fucked off about stupid things and in my experience girls always take it personally and get fucked off at me for being fucked off. I can hardly afford to pay my rent, never mind pay to take you out. You know what I'm like. I'll do your head in. You won't be able to count on me like you could with him. Why would you want someone like me after being married to someone like him?"

"Because I like you." Xiaoyu blurted out. She turned her head to look at him. "And you're different to Jin, yeah. But look how things turned out."

"You're sure about this? I mean – "

Xiaoyu put her fingers to his lips for a moment, shaking her head.

"I'm sure. I don't know why, but…"

Hwoarang kissed her, a slow, sensual kiss that sent warmth flowing through her body, desire curling in her stomach.

"Is that right? Well then, I'll try my best not to fuck someone else while you're gone."

Xiaoyu shoved him lightly, but she knew he was joking.

"So we'll just wait and see what happens, then?"

"If that's okay with you."

She smiled, winding her arms around his neck and pulling him down for another kiss. That was definitely okay with her. After a two-year relationship, she was in no rush to jump straight into something serious. Maybe this wasn't perfect. Maybe it wasn't the best thing for her. Maybe other people would see this as being a rebound thing. She didn't care. Maybe it would develop into something deeper with time, or maybe it would fizzle out. Right now she was happy, and that was the most important thing.

* * *

The sound of a car horn spurred Xiaoyu on as she hurried down the apartment building stairs, laden down with bags. Her hair was damp from the quick shower she'd had earlier that morning, scraped back into a high ponytail to keep it out of her face, and she was wearing the only clothes she hadn't already packed, a zip up hoodie with rabbit ears that she'd bought ages ago, and comfy tracksuit bottoms that she used to wear when she and Miharu went to yoga classes. The plug from her hairdryer was dangling from one of the bags, and she almost fell over it as she hopped down the steps. The car horn sounded again, and she threw open the entrance doors to the apartment block, almost hitting the young doorman on the other side. 

"Hurry up!"

Xiaoyu stopped, pulling her sunglasses out of her shoulder bag and awkwardly slipping them on with one hand as the sun shone down on her.

"I'm coming! Don't rush me or I'll end up falling on my ass or something."

"I can't believe I'm gonna get to meet your mother."

"She'll love you. It's only me she has a problem with."

Miharu laughed, grabbing some of Xiaoyu's bags and throwing them in the boot of the car.

Xiaoyu jumped in the passenger seat, checking her reflection in the mirror. Her hair was already starting to frizz out as it dried. Her phone beeped from its place in her shoulder bag, and she dug it out to find that a text message was waiting for her.

'_Since I know you're wondering, I haven't fucked anyone else yet. Proud of me?'_

She rolled her eyes and smiled. Hwoarang was never going to let her forget that, was he?

'_Well done. Want a gold star?'_ she texted back.

"Bloody hell." Miharu sighed, still trying to shove the bags into the boot.

"Just put them on the back seat."

"No, it's okay. They fit."

She skipped around to the driver's side, fluffed out her hair, and got in the car.

"Ready?" Miharu asked, pushing a cassette into the player. The music of an unfamiliar sounding indie band spilled out of the car speakers, and Xiaoyu turned to her friend with a questioning look.

"Remember that guy, Jay?" asked Miharu with a grin. "This is his band's debut."

"Sounds pretty good. It should do well." Xiaoyu said.

"Of course it will. I'm doing the PR." Miharu laughed, and turned the keys in the ignition.


End file.
